Joke Contest

Some of the symptoms I have experienced at one time or another because of MS:

1. Numbness (sometimes minor, sometimes debilitating)

2. Weakness (like I have the muscles of an infant and the body of a sumo wrestler)

3. Vision Loss (not complete blindness so far)

4. Extreme Fatigue (most of the time, just like when I have a newborn, but sometimes it's worse)

5. Paralysis (usually it's just partially paralyzed legs, but a couple of times almost completely paralyzed)

6. Slurred Speech (I promise I don't drink, even though it sounds like I'm drunk!)

7. Cognitive Issues (a little dazed and confused)

8. Tremors (I never know if it's an earthquake or me!)

9. Heat Intolerance (can lead to any of the other symptoms if I'm too hot)

10. Head Flops (it's got to be the proper terminology)

11. Spasticity (A two hour massage is never enough even for just my back, not to mention my sometimes claw hands or all the rest of me!)

12. Random Pain (usually feels suddenly like I broke a bone and lasts a few seconds up to many hours)

13. That can't be all, but I've forgotten everything else. Cognitive problems, remember?

Anyway, I don't think everything is bad all the time just because I can't teach my kids how to do a proper amazing back flip on the trampoline anymore. I do sometimes need a little reminding about the funny things in life, so I hope you can make a good joke out of one of the above topics. In fact, let's make it a joke contest. Submit in the comments a good MS joke. I make up my own all the time, but nobody thinks I'm as funny as I think I am. The winner gets a $10 Amazon gift card. I hope there are lots to choose from. I'll pick a winner sometime next week, probably close to the weekend, so get thinking of your best jokes. 

Our Vacation

We went on vacation for ten days. Here are a few things that happened:

Sadie threw a rock at me. It was as big as my fist. It left a mark.

The other kids all figured out skipping rocks.

We saw about one hundred or more deer, including some babies with the adorable spots. Most were not the mule deer that we have around here but white-tailed deer.

Bill saw three mountain lions.

Bill hit one mountain lion with our car.

We saw a dead turtle.

A squirrel stared us down.

We saw lots of bear.... poop, right next to the cabin. 

I almost made it an entire day walking all over the place at an amusement park in 102 degree weather without having any heat-induced paralysis. (I could walk again just fine the next day, and it was only the last hour before the park closed that I couldn't walk!)

I went on three hikes.

My kids and Bill went on four hikes.

We saw about twenty lakes and millions of trees.

Preston said, "I'm kind of sick of seeing trees and lakes."

We fit eleven people inside a tree (an ancient cedar, not a redwood), but it was so big that twenty or more could have fit. 

We stayed in one cabin in the woods, one condo at a ski hill, one mountain lodge, one kind of cheap hotel, one campsite, one cousins' house, and one grandma's house. 

We went to four states and one foreign country.

Carter said, "We need a lesson in how to say "eh" properly." They thought it was awesome when they heard Canadians saying "eh" in their natural habitat.

We saw thirty-six different state license plates and six different Canadian province license plates, which is one more than Grandma and Grandpa saw.

We went to one doctor after Sadie got a foot full of splinters and a few in the other foot. I tried for almost two hours to get some of them out, but she wouldn't let me even touch her foot. Then I got about six out while she was sleeping. (I'm sort of awesome.) There were a few bad ones that I wasn't awesome enough to get, so the next morning, the doctor numbed her foot in the worst spot and got a few out. She didn't love that. The doctor left the other thirty or so splinters in her foot and said they will probably come out as her skin dies and just to watch them for infection. I felt stupid for going to a doctor for something usually so trivial.

We saw several forest fires.

We drove about 1900 miles.

We drove about four or five extra hours over the course of the vacation because of road construction or accidents.

Nobody ever got sick enough in the car that they threw up!

Our car became a neat freak's worst nightmare.

Sadie woke up from a nap in the car screaming. Then she said, for about twenty minutes, while still crying, "I'm trying to calm down. I'm trying to calm down. I'm trying to calm down." We finally found a place to pull over, and she calmed down as soon as I held her for a minute. 

After a big roller coaster, Sadie said over and over, in amazement, "I went on the big roller coaster, and I didn't fall down!" 

We went to a tiny little church in Montana. With the addition of my kids and my sister's kids, we more than doubled the number of kids in the church. There was an amazing spirit there.

We went into the car for about an hour in the middle of the night while we were camping because of lightning. It was just one continuous rumble for that whole hour because there was nonstop lightning!

My kids swam in three swimming pools and three lakes and waded in one river and two more lakes. 

Avery did awesome sand art at the beach.

My kids fought with each other in four states and one foreign country.

Bill took us all to see where he went to school for his undergraduate degree. The kids didn't even feign interest. 

Someone next to us in a restaurant spilled a full beer, a few drops on Bill's shoe and a little splash on my leg, but most of it spilled on her own daughter, who had freshman orientation about ten minutes later! She didn't seem too happy about it....

Carter said, "This felt like we went on a bunch of different vacations, and I don't know which one I liked best. I loved the cabin in Montana with our cousins, but I also loved going to Canada. I wish we had bought the weird ketchup chips. It was also super fun to go to Silverwood. I loved the beaches of the lakes in Sandpoint and Coeur d'Alene, too. And I liked hiking. And I liked getting fish and chips. Camping was fun, too, but it wasn't my favorite, but it was still awesome. I want to do this whole trip again sometime!"

Bill bought the kids kinder eggs in Canada. (They ate them there, so we didn't even have to smuggle them home.) 

Bill almost got pulled over by a Mounty.

Socializing

It's weird to see my kids navigate social situations. Each kid is so different. 

Carter did all his jobs (not exceptionally well) as fast as he could so he could hang out with friends. He had three separate friends call, and he tried to coordinate times so he could see all of them. He's had a few days the last few weeks where he's had up to six different friends wanting to hang out all in one day.

Preston made his first phone call to invite a friend over today. In the past, I have arranged with the parents so that I knew exactly what was going on. He has no idea how to talk on the phone. I try not to cringe as I hear ridiculously long pauses and strange answers to questions and really bad ideas come out of his mouth as I try to let him learn this necessary skill. 

I told Avery she could invite someone over as soon as her room was clean. She went into her room, came out five seconds later, and said, "I'm okay not having a friend come over." (It is super messy, so I understand her lack of motivation, but I would always pick friends first...)

Sadie cried and asked why she couldn't have a little kid play date since the boys are having big kid play dates. I reminded her of multiple friends coming over yesterday (and thought of the fact that she is horrible at sharing lately).

Answered Prayers

Carter had a scout campout. I was helping him get ready to go. We said a prayer for safety and protection right before his ride was supposed to come. After praying, I felt like I should get him some allergy medication, and I threw in some quick dissolving Benadryl. Bill called me today and said that he was really grateful I had thrown that in along with his regular slower acting medication. Carter had had a severe reaction, possibly to peanuts the other boys were eating next to him. (Carter had told me a few times the last few weeks of school that he seemed to be having reactions to peanuts other kids had at lunchtime. I should have taken him more seriously!) I am so grateful for answers to prayer and promptings of the Holy Ghost!

Remember when Avery blamed her poopy diaper on a bee about six years ago? Sadie has regressed in her potty training, and today, she followed in her big sister's footsteps.

Me: Why didn't you go in the potty?

Sadie: I did go on the potty. Something else pooped in my pull-up.

Me: Really?

Sadie: Probably it was an ant.

Hey Diddle Diddle, The Cow Jumped Over the Fence

It's my last day of steroids, so hopefully I will start sleeping again. I never fell asleep at all last night, so today I am kind of loopy. At church, the organist was not having the best day, and it kept making me giggle. I completely understand because I have had those kinds of days where I keep messing up, but it still struck me as funnier than it should have been every time a wrong note was played or when he got completely lost one time. (Remember that I have that neurological condition that makes me overreact and laugh harder than is normal sometimes, and then think how much worse it would be when I haven't been sleeping much at all for a couple of weeks and not at all for the last night.) Then, Bill told me he was 90% sure that he left the iron on, so he left in the middle of church to make sure our house wasn't burning down. He didn't come back for a long time, so I felt a bit worried that it really had caught on fire. Once he returned and was sitting by me again, he said that it took so long because he had to call the cops because one of the cute baby cows in the field next to our house had jumped the fence and was wandering around the neighborhood. He said the cop got here in less than a minute, so we've got a great emergency response time for wandering cows. He said Sadie had told him before we left to go to church that she saw it jump the fence, but he didn't believe her. Well, hearing about the cow made me laugh even harder. I was not very reverent in church today, but at least Bill temporarily saved a cow, until it jumps the fence again and makes its way to the highway and gets hit by a car.... I had no idea cows could jump that high. It's probably a five foot high fence where it got out! 

And before we even went to church, Bill and I were laughing really hard because I couldn't find anything to wear that didn't make me look five months pregnant. I'm retaining so much water from the drugs! 

Blind or Paralyzed?

I love when Sadie makes up her own songs. Here's part of one from the other day. "I know Jesus is so rea-oh. And he's so friendwy, and he wuvs me so much. Pwease don't take my Jesus away."

Would you rather be blind or have your legs paralyzed? I probably won't get a choice, and one day I'll probably be both, although maybe not with all the advances that are still in testing right now! So, of you had to choose, which would you rather be? What is your reasoning? Right now, even though it's hard this week to not be able to walk, I think I'd probably choose to have my legs paralyzed. I'm frustrated to not be able to move, but I would adjust to not walking and using a wheelchair, etc. to get around. I may not see quite well enough to drive, but I can still read and see my family, and I don't want to lose that! 

(Update since I forgot to finish writing the post before: I got on steroids really quickly, and I am getting better way faster than I have in the past. My aunt had told me that starting steroids right at the beginning of a relapse makes a huge difference in how fast she gets over her relapses, but the previous times, everything was just so slow getting processed that I hadn't been able to start on steroids until I had been having problems for weeks, so it took months to get better the other times.) 

Sometimes I make jokes about not being a full capacity human, and it's sort of true. I'm tired all the time, way beyond what's normal for a tired mom, which I also am. I don't get much done around the house except laundry. I can't drive anywhere. I'm too tired to fix my hair very often. I can't exercise at the moment, so the only things working at full capacity are my jeans. I forget that while I may not be able to function at full physical capacity, I still have full value as a person. It's hard to get over the mindset that I'm only worth as much as I accomplish. I never think less of other people who can't do things, but I almost always think less of myself for not living up to my own expectations. I need to remember that God doesn't have the same expectations. He just expects me to do my best, whatever that is. I already know these things, but I'm not very good about actually implementing these thoughts and feelings. I need to be a better example to my kids of having a good attitude more of the time. I think they've seen my cry too much the last couple of weeks. I'm blaming my mood on the steroids and possibly not having enough chocolate, specifically chocolate cake. Also, spring break is not much fun when we are stuck at home! 

Vacation planning always gives me energy, so as you're answering the blind vs. paralyzed question, also give me ideas for vacations. You get two suggestions each, one family vacation idea and one couples vacation idea. If you are the first person to suggest the idea we pick, I'll send you a $10 Amazon gift card. 

Naked Crayons

Preston: Aagh! Quick! Turn the lights on! I need to sneeze!

Sadie had divided all the crayons into two piles, one of the piles included all the crayons with no paper on them anymore. "What are these crayons, Mom? These crayons are naked. They don't want to tehw their daddy that they're naked. Don't see them. They want to hide so nobody sees them. I can just put them in this bag so nobody can see that they're naked."

We always change the words to songs. Sadie tried it on her own today. "You are my moonshine, my onwy moonshine..."

Carter: I have to practice so I'm ready for basketball practice today.

Me: Do you realize how funny that sounded?

Carter: Since I was sick the last couple of weeks and missed all the practices and the games, if I don't practice now, I'll look like a fool when I get to practice tonight!

Avery's hair was almost to her waist, just about an inch or two shy of that, so I cut it last night to her shoulders. It was just in the way and getting food in it and getting tangled horribly. Preston kept a bunch of the nine inch long locks because he just knew he would come up with something to do with them. This morning, as he was getting ready for school, he used a clip and attached the hair to the front of his hair. Sadie said he looked like a unicorn. Obviously, I didn't let him keep it on, and I don't think he really wanted to do more than make people laugh. Then again, maybe he's not happy with his hair quantity. Last week, he wore a fake mustache to school one day. I never heard how that went over or if he chickened out and took it off before he got there.

Also, it took Avery an extra half hour to get ready because she couldn't stop looking in the mirror at her new short hair that only took thirty seconds to brush. I probably should have not done it on a whim with my lack of skills, but now Sadie wants the same haircut. At least if I am not the best at cutting hair, all my kids have super fast-growing hair like mine, so it won't look horrible for very long. 

Avery spent over two hours drawing a dragon yesterday. Carter saw it and said, "That looks really good, but I can't believe you just spent two hours of your life that you'll never get back to make it. I would have never done that." (Says the kid who spends ten hours programming one little game for a word study assignment that could have taken ten minutes...)

Pedro's Wig

Preston: I lost the list of all the kids in my class. I need it so I know how many valentines, I mean friendship notes, I need for my class.

Avery: I know how you can figure it out. Just write down all the kids that you can remember. If it doesn't feel right, then you know you're missing someone.

Preston: Do you know one of the weirdest and funniest parts from Napoleon Dynamite? 

Me: When he has a pocket full of tots?

Preston: No, I don't even get why that's funny. 

Me: When Deb is doing glamour shots?

Preston: No. It's when Kip meets LaFawnda for the first time. I just really didn't expect her to be that pretty! And did you notice that Summer's boyfriend looks just like Uncle Matt? And I like when Napoleon says, "If you're drinking one percent milk because you think you're fat, you're not. You could be drinking whole milk."

Bill: It's a good line. Why don't you try it out on a girl you like?

Avery: Everybody stop talking about the movie! I haven't seen it yet! You're ruining it for me!

Update: Avery loved it, by the way. They watched it in the car on the way home from Arizona, so even though they all had headphones on and I didn't know exactly what was happening, I still had the satisfaction of knowing that my kids have a great sense of humor, as evidenced by all the giggles I kept hearing. They keep quoting different parts of the movie and attempting to dance like Napoleon. One of her favorite things about the movie is Pedro's girly wig. 

Sadie has been taking more naps again lately. She gets her pillow and blankets and makes herself a bed somewhere and puts herself to sleep. The other day she made Carter play her "some wuwabyes on the cheh-wo" and told me, "Weave me awone so I can faw asweep." 

Family and friends are always joking with me that if there is a one in a million chance of getting some new health problem, then I will probably get it. I don't know if that is totally true. Sometimes I get things where the odds are more like five out of a million. I hope this last extremely rare symptom of MS was just a momentary thing because it was so weird. I went in the bathroom to take my contacts out tonight. I looked in the mirror, but I couldn't see my face looking back at me. For almost a minute, I stared at the person in the mirror, trying to figure out if it was really me. The sensation of not recognizing myself went away, and I recognized Bill just fine, so maybe things will be fine. If I do have a lesion forming in that part of my brain, life might get really interesting with all the new people I will be meeting every day! 

Santa's Sister

Carter: Do you know what this is?

Sadie: It's a penny!

Carter: Do you know that if you have a hundred of these, it will be the same as having a dollar?

Sadie: I don't want to have a dowar. Sorry, but I'm too wittow to have a dowar.

Carter: Do you want to save your penny in your piggy bank?

Sadie: No, I can just put it in my pocket.

Sadie got so mad at me this morning because I gave her a purple bowl when she wanted a yellow or green bowl. She screamed at me and hit me for almost twenty minutes. She ran away for a minute and came back a little more calm. She whispered to me, "You have to try new things cause it might taste goo-ood. Goo-ooh-ood." Then she went into the kitchen and ate her breakfast. That is not the first time that I have been grateful for the songs she learns on Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. 

Preston: You can't read Big Nate. It's a boy book.

Avery: But you're reading Ever After High...

Sadie: Is the Tooth Fairy Santa's sister?

I gave Sadie a hug, and she kissed my face. Then she scrunched up her face and asked, "What's that sme-oh?" I had just put some toner on my face. "Oh, does it smell kind of weird?" She shook her head. "No. It sme-ohs not weird. It sme-ohs horriboh!"

After my shower, my hair was drying super curly and funky, but I didn't feel like blow drying it and straightening it. My bangs were the biggest culprit of my weird hair, so I just pulled them back and left the rest poofy and curly, not a style I have done pretty much ever. Sadie saw me and said, "Is that you, Mama? You wook wike not you. You wook different and weird. You don't wook wike Mama."

I couldn't find all the Anne of Green Gables books in our house, so I ordered a new box set. I hope Avery likes it as much as I did as a kid. 

Someone called Sadie sassy. "Oh, am I wike Wizzie? (Her cousin) Wizzie is sassy, too. We're the same!"

Avery suddenly gets jokes and sometimes makes up her own jokes, especially puns, which seem somewhat advanced for an eight-year-old. Maybe I am wrong about this? Maybe it just seems advanced after the boys, who both still find the most satisfaction in potty humor...

Uni-brows and Bacon Bits

Sadie is very concerned because she just noticed that "Bert ony has one eyebrow! He does have ony one eyebrow."

One good thing about kids who tattle is that I end up hearing little gems like this. "Mom, is Carter supposed to be eating handfuls of bacon bits?" Or "Mama, did you say that Sadie could play in the water in the bathroom?" Or "Mama, Carter's not wetting me stea-oh your chocowate." Or (at least fifty times a day, every day lately) "Avie/Presty/Carter stow my spot! Tehw them to get out and to weave me awone. She/he's not weaving me awone!"

Kids are honest. "Mama, you're not as skinny as Aunt Heather." Or "You have a wot of owies on your face, Mama." Or "Why do I have to clean my room? YOU didn't clean your room. It's a giant mess." Or "Are you just not as good at cooking as Daddy is?"

Sadie: When I grow up, I want to be a mama. Wike Aunt Becky, not wike you. So I can have a wot of wittow boys. And twins.

Do you ever find that one doctor who really gets you, is appropriately concerned, pays attention to all the little details, asks all the questions, tells it how it is, and really makes sure you get the care you need for whatever it is? Yeah, I really like that guy, even if he is honest just like my kids. "I can see that you've gained a lot of weight since I saw you just a few months ago.... Oh, and here's a prescription for more steroids so you can gain even more weight..." 

And to make up for all their honesty, I do hear things like this all the time. "You're my wittow sweetie, Mama. You're just a wittow cutie. You're the baby, and I'm the mama. I can take care of you. I wuv you, wittow Mama." (We'll just pretend that it balances out the kicking fits and tantrums. It sort of does.)

Glow Sticks Light Up the Night

One of the funniest things I have a heard a kid apologize for without being prompted: "I'm sorry for eating the gwoh stick." 

Overheard: "No, no! We don't tug at people's bum cracks!"

Sadie: No way! ...Is that funny? Or is it funny when I say, "No way, Hoo-say"? Which one is funny?

Me: (to Sadie) Did you know it's only three days until Christmas?

Sadie's Dinosaur: Oh, I didn't know that you could yodel. And by the way, there's some poop on my bum.  (The dinosaur lied. I can't yodel, and his dinosaur bum was clean.)

I overheard a kid singing "Joel the Lump of Coal" by the Killers and, supposedly, Jimmy Kimmel. Then the kid said, "Is Joel even a name? I've never heard of it before in my life." We all stared at him. Then Bill said, "Um...your UNCLE Joel?" "Oh yeah..." said the kid, looking sheepish. It's not even the kid who usually spaces out.

My Favorite Color

I told Sadie about how I accidentally cut myself. She told me a little story. "One time, I wasn't being carefoh enough with a knife, and I cut mysehf, and I was bweeding, and that was four years ago." (She just barely turned three.) 

Sadie: Is this wrapping paper sparkowee? Oh, it is sparkowee? I wuv it! Sparkowee is MY favorite cowor! 

Sadie begins every single prayer (at any time of day and for any reason) for the past few months the exact same way. "Heavenwy Father, we thank thee for this day. We ask that we can say the prayer this night and that we can be calm and safe." She continues with all kinds of random things that you would expect a two-year-old, now three-year-old to say. She then proceeds to be neither calm or safe. She walks around with blankets on her head next to the top of the stairs, being completely unsafe and making me completely un-calm. She attacks my injured arm. She throws tantrums. She throws all her hardest toys at me. She screams for hours because she forgot to tell someone "Merry Christmas" or because she didn't go potty at someone else's house. She hits me in the eyes so many times that it really is a miracle that my eyes have been safe from her so far. She cries because I give her a sippy cup instead of a big girl cup. She cries because I give her a big girl cup instead of a sippy cup. She laughs uncontrollably about weird things. (I'm not admitting which parent she gets that from.) Somehow, we end the day being relatively safe, and we do say the prayer this night. The calm part may not get answered the way I hope, but it works out in the end. And if it doesn't, there's always chocolate that can be found at my house.

Me: You have the cutest little face!

Sadie: You have a BIG face. You have the weirdest face in the hoe white worohd.

I overheard Sadie singing Christmas songs to herself. "Si-went night, Hoe-wee Ghost..."

Sadie drew a picture for someone. She explained her scribbles to me. "This is the Christmas tree. This is a heart. This is you, and this is your bwood. And this is your more bwood on your finger from not being carefoh. And this is another mommy, and this is another bwood...." 

8:05 on Sunday

Sadie: What time is it?

Me: It's 8:05.

Sadie: Weh, it doesn't SEEM 8:05. (Two-year-olds have such a good concept of time.)

Sadie: What day is it?

Me: It's Sunday.

Sadie: Weh, it doesn't WOOK wike Sunday. ( Two-year-olds always know what day of the week it is.)

Sadie: Where are we?

Me: We're in Ogden.

Sadie: Weh, it doesn't WOOK wike we're in Ogden. It wooks wike somewhere ewse. (Two-year-olds always know exactly where they are.)

Last night, Bill asked Sadie to say the prayer. She responded, "I can't. I'm too busy coworing in my coworing book."

Avery brought Sadie to the window this morning to show her the snow. Sadie got super excited and said, "Oooh! Wook at the snow fawing! It's coming down on the ground! Brrr! It's freezing out there!" I remember when I was a kid, it snowed a few times, maybe once every other year or so. I knew there was snow because I could see the white ground. I got glasses a little over a year before we moved away from South Carolina. It snowed that year, and I could not believe it when I saw the snow falling. I had previously thought that snow just appeared on the ground because I couldn't see well enough to see the falling snowflakes. My mom would try to point out the falling snow the other times, but I had no idea what she was talking about. I also had no idea that trees had individual leaves because they just looked like one green blob on each tree. I even had my second grade teacher get after me when she said the tree I was drawing didn't look realistic because there weren't individual leaves. I had no clue what she meant by that. I'm so glad Sadie can see well enough to see individual snowflakes! 

All my kids: What are sopapillas?

Me: (Looking at Bill in sadness that they can't remember one of the best things about New Mexico)

Me: What do you want to get Daddy for Christmas?

Preston: I don't know, maybe a potato peeler or something...

S for Soup

We couldn't find the boys when it was time to leave the grocery store. They had found some "amazing" toy and were playing with it. They actually said, "This is amazing!" about the toy. It was a self-inflating whoopie cushion.

If I get separated from the rest of my family at a store, it is super easy to find them because Sadie is excited about every little thing and talking loudly about what she sees on each aisle. ("Wook, Daddy! New cereoh! I wike that kind!...)

Me: Sadie, how should we do your hair when you wear your mermaid costume on Halloween? 

Sadie: I would wike it to wook wike a tiger that can swim.

My sister and her family were staying with us a couple of days in between moving from the house they just sold and the one they were buying. We were having dinner the other night, and Bill said, "It just warms my heart to feed the homeless."

Sadie: My body is big and worm!

Me: Are you saying that your body is big and warm?

Sadie: It's big and warm AND it has wormies. And I saw a big wormy in the backyard. But Daddy kiwed it, and it's DEAD! It was saying, "Ssssss" but then it didn't have a head anymore. Because Daddy kiwed it, and it's DEAD! It doesn't have a home anymore. And it doesn't have a body anymore because it's DEAD! S for wormy! That's what my book says. S for wormy. (It really says S for snake, as you might imagine. Also, her body does not have wormies, but her dad really did chop the head off a snake in front of a two-year-old.)

Sadie: That's my mom. My mom is named Mewissa Soup. 

Nothing makes Avery madder than someone laughing at her, especially when she is already hurt. I felt bad for doing it. I just couldn't help it. She was going crazy doing high kicks and dancing around. Right as I was telling her to calm down and be careful because she looked like she was going to get hurt or hurt someone else, she kicked herself in the face and made her lip bleed. 

I was helping Sadie say a prayer today. I peeked at her with her eyes closed so tightly while she was repeating everything I said. It made me feel grateful for my sweet kids, so I told her to say, "Thank you for our sweet family." She said, "Thank you for our feet famiwee..." 

Things my kids said this week about me:

"You're big, so you can do wots of things. You can do things because you're big. You have a big booty to shake."

"I hope I don't have a big nose like yours when I grow up. It's so long!"

"You know how to cook? Wike Daddy cooks?"

"Who cut your hair? Was it Heather? It was Heather! I want to watch a show about her cutting your hair. It was wong, and now it's short. Do you have short hair now? It wooks weird."

The Windows of Heaven

Malachi 3:10: Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

I always read this verse and thought that I would receive these blessings in the future. I just realized how many ways that I have already had the windows of Heaven opened, with blessings that there is not room enough to receive. Here's my list of just a few examples. 

1. I have plenty of food, enough that my pants can no longer receive more. Our pantry is also overflowing, and I don't know where we would put more food. What a blessing! 

2. I have to buy new pants, but I don't know where they will go because my closet and dresser are overflowing with all the clothes I have to keep me warm and covered and occasionally stylish, although it's been a while since I have attempted fashion.

3. I have an amazing husband, one who is okay with my loss of fashion sense and gain of weight that causes me to wear only pajamas or the one pair of jeans that fits that I bought the first month after having my first baby. He does so much for our family that I can't even begin to list all his good attributes and service and amazing cooking abilities because you don't have room to receive all my praise for him and not feel envious of me.

4. I have four kids. Does anyone have room to receive four kids? I don't think there's a house big enough that they wouldn't still find a way to trash every room in ten minutes. When they aren't fighting, I have moments of feelings of love that I can barely contain. If they were always well-behaved, there's no way I would be equipped to handle that much love... (I still love them when they're naughty. I just have to eat more chocolate to cope, which is another blessing spilling out of my pantry...)

5. My four kids have more toys than our house has room to receive. How many kids have few or no toys all over the world? I'm pretty much ready to take it all to the thrift store, if only I had enough energy to go through everything and organize it all.

6. I don't have the energy, but my youngest child makes up for it with an excess of energy that I don't have room to receive. What a blessing that little fireball is, that she came to our family at the right time to keep me company while I am trying to figure out MS. (I keep hearing stories of people having problems as bad or worse than I have had, people who find the solutions that work for them after experimenting the first few years, and it gives me hope that I will find that miracle cure that allows me to run after my kids and drive again.)

7. After being in the hospital when I was pregnant with Sadie and when I first started having problems with MS, I had an abundance of dishes in my home from all the meals people brought to us. We literally did not have room to receive all those dishes. I was blessed to see so much goodness and love in all the people who helped us out. 

8. While looking for a bigger bed for Sadie today, I was led by the Spirit to search some classified ads. I found an amazing deal on a bed we had looked at a few years ago, and it came with so much that we barely had room to receive it all in my van. I was able to spend about half of what I was expecting to pay for the furniture I got, so my bank account can barely find room for all that extra money that wasn't withdrawn today... I frequently am blessed to find good deals on items, making my money stretch further. 

I have lots more little experiences and blessings that I have seen come directly from paying tithing. What are your examples of the Lord's promised blessings from paying tithing being fulfilled in your lives? If you haven't yet experienced the blessings that come from paying tithing, now is a great time to find your own faith in this particular principle by experimenting upon the word and trying it out!

Identity Theft

We all create an identity for ourselves in our minds. We associate certain traits as being a constant part of who we really are. Here are a few things I have thought would always be a part of my identity. I am mostly neither proud of or overly ashamed of these things, and there are many more things that should be on the list, both good and bad.

Thin

Pretty eyes

Horrible skin

Pretty good athlete

Decent musician

High intelligence

Love of serving others

Love of all things fun

Too talkative

Poor self control, especially when it comes to food

I have a bit of an internal dilemma as I see some of these things on my list changing. Some changes are easier to deal with than others. I am now an average weight because of medications I have taken that have caused me to gain weight. I'm trying to be okay with that change, but I haven't mentally and emotionally adapted well. Also, my wardrobe has not been adapted for this change, so I don't fit into any of my pants. My eyelashes are becoming thinner and shorter as I age. Also, my eyes don't work well. My skin quality goes up and down; every once in a while, it isn't that bad. I currently have absolutely no coordination or strength because of MS, so I am horrible at all sports now. I frequently can't play songs that used to be easy for me on the piano because of a loss of fine motor skills. Also, I never get to practice piano because I am a mother. I also cannot consistently sing well. I have had cognizant issues relating to MS, so I actually am getting stupider beyond just the normal IQ decreases that come with being a tired mother. I am not able to serve people very well much of the time because of my own health issues. I am also so tired that I don't enjoy as many activities as I used to, and I just don't have as much fun anymore. Even if I want to do some fun things, I frequently have to choose not to because I know my body can't handle very many activities. I now sometimes don't want to talk and would rather listen to others, or I am too tired to talk. Once in a while, I am even mature enough to censor myself and avoid saying things I shouldn't. I have way better self control than I used to have. Having tons of food allergies, most of which can be deadly, can change a person in that way. I never thought I would be able to stop myself from eating something I wanted because it seemed impossible the way I was before. 

All these changes in what I thought were integral parts of me show me a few things:

1. I shouldn't label myself. God can give and take away, and I can't base my identity on those labels, even if the pants labels have a bigger number on them than I would like. 

2. Losing and gaining new abilities doesn't actually change my individual worth, even if I usually feel like I am worth less when I physically contribute less. I need to work on remembering that I have value, whether or not I feel like I am a contributing member of my family or society or when my kids tell me I am good at laying on the couch. The trials and how I deal with them are what bring about the good changes in my abilities, which still don't actually make me worth more but help me cope better with life.

  

3. The only part of my identity that doesn't change is that I am a daughter of God. He loves me. If I can remember who I really am, maybe I won't feel too upset when I have so many things changing that I thought would never change. (Don't take this as a sign that I am hinting that I am super depressed, just that I have normal feelings of inadequacy and sadness when I am not meeting my own expectations.)

4. I'm stealing this one from a friend yesterday, and I have no idea where she got it, but the idea behind it always helps me to cope with all these changes so much better. "Laughter is like a windshield wiper. It doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going." 

So to keep me going, here are a few of Sadie's funny quotes from the last few days, well, the ones I can remember...

Sadie: Mom, what do you wike when you're in the mood for?

Me: I like you.

Sadie: No, you don't wike me. You wike cheese sometimes, maybe a sour kind.

Sadie: You can borrow awe these. (While dumping all her blankets and stuffed animals on my lap, just what a claustrophobic person loves...) You're borrowing awe my stuff! Is it fun? It is fun! And we can have a couch party! Just wet me get up there with you...

Sadie: What in the world!?! (She has said this multiple times the last few days, with great surprise and expression, and she actually uses the expression appropriately. I'm not sure if she got it from me. I don't know if I actually say that when I am probably thinking something less appropriate for a toddler to say.)

I got my bangs trimmed, and Sadie got a haircut. After we got home, she said, "Where are your bangs?" I pointed to them. "No, where are your weftover bangs? Oh no! We weft our weftover hair there!" 

Preston and Avery had been laughing and playing and were up super late. I told them to go to bed, and he replied, "Well, at least we're obeying Daddy even if we're up late. He told us in his note before he left on his trip to remember to be best friends, and we are right now!" I'm glad we have moments of them being best friends. I hope they have more of those times and not just when it's an hour after bedtime, after fighting all afternoon and evening.

Avery has become a little like the one sister of mine I never thought she would have anything in common with. When we were kids, my dad, with his twisted humor, would always have Becky say the prayer on Christmas morning when we were waiting to go open presents. She would be thankful for everything people could think of to be thankful for and then a bunch of things most people would never think to show gratitude for. It's a great trait to have. It's hard to sit through one of those prayers if you are a kid waiting to open presents. Avery's prayers are like that, and it's wonderful and sometimes a little stressful in the morning before school when their ride is going to come at any second while she's still being thankful for those leaves on our neighbor's trees. It is a good reminder to me to try to be more that way.

Cutest Puppy Ever

We hit a new low tonight. Sadie's doll said our family prayer. 

Carter was talking to his friend online this afternoon, collaborating on some homework assignment together and probably also goofing off. I suddenly heard the sounds of a cello coming from downstairs. I knew something was up because he has never played before without strong threats of bodily harm. (His idea of bodily harm is not being able to play minecraft or other programming games he likes to play. "But I'll DIE if you don't let me...") It turned out they were practicing their violin and cello together over Skype. These are the same boys who have played H-O-R-S-E over Skype with laptops outside by their respective home basketball hoops. 

I love when Sadie follows her teacher, Miss Avie, around the house. She had art class today. So now there are weird used envelopes and other things that have been covered with little spirals of all different colors. 

One of my sisters brought home the cutest puppy I have ever seen, admitting that her husband "slightly" didn't know she was bringing the puppy home. Sadly, a few days later they realized that they couldn't keep the puppy because of allergies. Luckily my other sister fell in love with the puppy, so they came and got it and brought it home. A few days later, they realized that they couldn't keep her because of allergies as well. If I didn't know that five out of six of us in this house are very allergic to dogs, I would be tempted to go get that puppy. It's a black lab/heeler mix, and it has got to be the cutest puppy possible. I feel like I've fallen in love with that little cutie, and I've only seen her through pictures! I hope she finds a good home full of healthy people without allergies to dogs. 

Avery had a little talent show at church with the girls ages eight through eleven and parents. She played "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" on the ukulele, which is a fine song for an eight year old girl to play. I was a little disappointed that she didn't play another song that she has been playing around with..."Smoke on the Water".... Who doesn't want to rock out on the ukulele with a classic from 1972 for their first ever performance?

Sock Boat

Sometimes I worry that my kids are too spoiled. They have so many things! Then my two-year-old gets so excited about a package of new socks and tries every single pair on and also plays with them by pretending they are little people who are in a boat that is her dad's hat. 

Just because a movie is rated G doesn't mean that it won't terrify your children. Take Toy Story, for example. Preston had nightmares about the evil Zurg for almost a year when he was about three. Now Sadie is terrified about even the idea of the little aliens from Toy Story. She thinks they are going to get her feet. She has been crying and had the terrified look in her eyes for half an hour. She called her daddy and asked him to "come home from your meeting so you can hode me so the wittow awiens from Toy Story don't get my feet." It breaks my heart, while making me laugh at the same time. 

Bill: I can't believe how many emoticons there are! There's got to be a rocket or a robot or a lego or something that would work in my email, but they're so small. It's hard to tell what they are. That one looks like a robot pig. 

(Five minutes later...)

Me: I think you should just send out your email.

Bill: But I have to put one of these in now that I found all of them!

Avery: Well, it feels kind of like a hiccup and a burp, but it also feels kind of like a cough. Whatever's happening, cold air just keeps coming up. 

Bill: Let Avie fix your hair, Sadie. Do you want it to be all messy?

Sadie: No, not messy. Crazy!

Me: You want your hair to be crazy?

Sadie: Yes. I want it to be aw crazy. Wike yours, Mama.

Carter: (praying) ....and thank you that we could sleep good or partially good....

Avery's had a little bump on her head for a few years. It recently started growing a little bit, and she has had headaches pretty much every day. The doctor thinks it is just a cyst, and he'll take it off in an inpatient surgery in his office in a couple of weeks. I hope her headaches stop once it's gone!

This scene kind of breaks my heart because Sadie thinks this kind of thing is totally normal:

Meatwoaf: Ehmo, I just have to go to the hospitoh to get a shot. I wih just be right back. You can go pway since I have to go to the hospitoh. We're here at the hospitoh now. 

Ehmo: Okay, now wet me get you a shot now. It wih just hurt a wittow bit. You wih just have a wittow bit of bwod. 

Meatwoaf: Okay, we wih go home now because we are done at the hospitoh. I'm gonna walk home upside down. Upsy Daisy! 

Sadie has sneaked out of the room with her hat full of socks in her arms and closed the door. Something shady is probably going on out there now.

Confirmations

Carter: (speaking of when he was younger, before I had very many health problems) You were the best mom ever then! You always did fun things with us! I mean, you're still the best mom ever, but you're just not AS good as you were then. 

I'm glad that he can confirm that my insecurities about my current mothering abilities are based on reality instead of just an overactive imagination. 

I'm also glad that amazon sends me confirmations of kindle books, even if sometimes those confirmations come six hours after I finish reading the book. It's just such a relief to know my book arrived safely! 

Avery got baptized today. There were very few people in attendance, which was great. It was a little weird when the kids got up to sing a song, and I realized there were more people making the music than listening to it. Sadie did neither, but she did climb on me part of the time when I was accompanying them on the piano, but she only did that while she wasn't yelling and running around. She also grabbed on to Bill's legs while Avery was being confirmed and tried to pull him away. At least I have hope that she will learn to be reverent and calm one day. I have seen people in other families do it, so I know it can be done. 

I wish I had started recording what Sadie was saying sooner the other day. You know how it's always funnier right before you start videoing what kids are doing, but once you start, they stop being funny? Same with her story telling. Still funny and cute but not AS funny and cute as what she said for several minutes before I started writing it down. Not bad for a two-year-old. I look forward to her future creative endeavors. 

Sadie's Story:

When I was a wittow giroh, I went in Ogden. And first, I went to the doctor with my three wittow puppies. They had to get a checkup. And the doctor said go on the taboh. And the puppies escaped from the big puppies. And they wost their favorite toy in the darkness. And a monster came. The wittow puppies got in trouboh, and then the mommy came and said, "Hi." The mommy went in the darkness and found their toy. They found their favorite toy, Tigey, wike Danieoh Tiger's. The wittow puppies got in big trouboh. And they said, "Hi," to their mommy. And that's it. That's my whoe story. Except I have another story about Sawt and Pepper. 

Sawt and Pepper and Meatwoaf took a nice wong nap, and they ate some breakfast. And they ate a burrito. They had jam on their sandwiches. And they ate it. And that's some kind of story. I don't know. Watch a show, maybe? 

Okay, once upon a time, there was a giroh, and her name was Meatwoaf. And her mommy had to take her on a wahk. Maybe Meatwoaf had to go to her friend's house, and she said, "Mommy, you're here!" And then they couldn't find each other. And they found Sawt and Pepper and Meatwoaf. And they were aw friends, and they talked about it. 

Cute Wittow Sadie

I put Sadie back in diapers because she lost interest in potty training. I checked her diaper once today, and she screamed, "Aagh! You saw my bummy!"

Sadie: Your bewybutton is a cute wittow guy.

Me: Sadie, let's see how high you can count.

Sadie: One! (Jumps) Two! (Jumps) Three! (Jumps) .... Eweven! (Jumps) That's very high to count!

Two-year-olds take things literally.

Remember how I said that Sadie likes my toes? Here is proof. It's kind of gross.

Sadie was playing with a toy, talking to it. "Hi. I'm good. I'm naked. Oh. My mom took my pajamas off to get a penciw out of the bottom of the toes, and she didn't give me any new cwose. So I'm just naked. You can pway with me. You can be my friend."

I just read an article that recommended that people in a marriage be dishonest if they don't like a meal their spouse made. That seems like the worst advice I have ever heard. What do you think? It's okay if you disagree with me.