Stupid

This is the kind of parent I am:

Avery: Preston said I was stupid.

Me: Ugh. You're way too smart to believe a lie like that. Just ignore him. He's just trying to make you cry.

Avery: (Gives me a look of death because I didn't get him in trouble and walks away like I am a waste of breath.)

Two minutes later:

Satan: You are stupid and lazy, and nobody likes you. People would be calling you and visiting you and inviting you to more things if they liked you. You're too stupid to write. You should just give up on your books.  Your house would be clean if you weren't so lazy. 

Me: (Starts crying and believes exactly what he says. Eats more chocolate so that the weight I gained a couple of weeks ago from the steroids will never come off.)

What a hypocrite I am!