Today is Yellow

Preston came upstairs crying. He was supposed to be in bed. Heather said, as she showed off her fake nunchuck skills with Avery's nunchucks from her Halloween costume, "I'll give you something to cry about." Preston started crying harder, not realizing that she was just joking. She assured him that she wouldn't really hit him. He was almost calm. Heather asked, "Where do you want me to put this?" I told her to put the nunchucks in the Halloween bin in the storage room. She tossed them down the stairs to put them away the next time she went down, but they hit Preston on the head as they went past. Fifteen seconds after she finished reassuring him that she would never really hit him with nunchucks.

Aunt of the Year.

I said out loud, mostly to myself, "What day is it today?" Sadie answered, "Eweven." "No, eleven is a number." Sadie replied, "Oh. Is it yewow?" 

I don't know when she is going to understand colors and numbers and days of the week and letters. Obviously, not before she is two, which is next week...

Thanks to her husband getting a better job, my favorite massage therapist (and friend) has moved to another state. So, when I woke up unable to move well, I pulled out the chair massager. Sadie keeps sticking her hand between my back and the little rolling balls and saying, "Oh! It bumped my hand! Now it bumped my finger! Now it bumped my other finger!" 

My favorite thing that Sadie says lately is, "You stow (stole) it!" She says it about everything. "Ruby stow my shoes!" she said when she noticed they had the same shoes. "Tarter stow my scissors!" she said when Carter took some sharp scissors away for her safety. "Daddy stow my marters!" she said when he took some markers she had used to draw all over herself and the house. "Mama, you stow my sippy tup!" she says every day when I load one into the dishwasher. And yesterday, as I was cleaning up her breakfast, which was one of those gross sausages wrapped in a pancake on a stick that one of her brothers got for her, she said, "You stow my hot dog!" I didn't know if she really knew what stealing was, but the other day at the store, they had some samples of candy sitting out at our awesome local Amish store. The whole way home, and afterward for a while, she kept saying, "Daddy stow the tandy at the store. He stow it!" She seemed to understand that he ate some and gave her some without paying for it. She didn't really seem to get the concept of free samples. Maybe she thinks we're stealing every time we go to Costco.

Yesterday, I was minding my own business when Sadie yelled, "There's a reawy big bubbow!" She ran to me and hit my bum. "There. I popped it." Then she hit the other side of my bum. "Now I popped the other bubbow." 

Avery made herself a list for each day of the week. On each list, she wrote down all the things she needs to do to get ready for school or church or basketball, depending on the day. Today, she said, "You don't have to tell me what thing to do next before school every day. I can just look at my lists and see what I have done or what still needs to be done. Sometimes, if I listen to you, then I skip something on my list, and it makes me forget something. So, I have to do it in the order of my lists. Okay?" 

Earrings or Shoes?

Apparently, the five minutes that I went into my room to get ready were about five minutes too many to not have Sadie and her friend in my sight. They locked themselves in Carter's room and found markers and made masterpieces on his wall and all over themselves. It was okay because a few minutes later, I found them in the bathtub happily pouring all the soap out and getting it all over themselves. At least they tried to clean up after themselves. Both of these things happened a good ten minutes after they got into the applesauce. What I don't get is how they manage to get into so much trouble and have so much fun doing it and coordinate their troublemaking so well when they don't speak the same language. It is kind of awesome.

Heather: Oh! The things you thought were earrings are really shoes. (Speaking about a box of dress-up clothes from Costco.)

Me: That's weird. I was sure they were earrings. (Disclaimer: From looking at the little pictures on the box, they looked like earrings to me.)

Heather: Nope. You were wrong.

***pause***

Me: Are you sure they're earrings? 

***awkward silence***

Heather: No, I'm sure they're shoes.

I don't think Heather will ever let me pick out her earrings. Or her shoes.

Heather: Aren't you glad you have a really smart dad?

Preston: He's not as smart as Albert Einstein.

Heather took my kids to school this morning. When she got there, Carter realized he had forgotten his cello. So, she came back home to get it and brought it back to the school. About and hour later, just as she was falling asleep, the school secretary called. "Avery isn't feeling well. Can someone come pick her up?" Heather said she would do it in twenty minutes. A minute later, the guilt got the better of her, and she got up and went a third time to the school. An hour later, when Avery seemed to be just fine, I suggested that perhaps she could go back to school. Heather said, "No way am I driving to their school five times in one day! Avery can stay home."

At least my sister is nice and drives my kids around while I can't drive.

Kissing Monkeys

Me: Carter, are you doing better at the things that we talked about during your student led conference?

Carter: I think mostly. Except the part about thinking about things before I do them. I stepped on a water bottle that didn't have the lid on tight, and the lid flew off and hit a girl right in the middle of her forehead. 

Me: Why did you step on it?

Carter: I have no idea. That's kind of the problem.

Sadie: Do you has a baby in there, Mommy? (Pointing at my belly.)

Me: No.

Sadie: Oh. Do you has a donut in there?

Me: No.

Sadie: (looking very skeptical) Oh. (She looked back at my belly.) Oh.

Sadie: I want a cookie.

Me: You can't have a cookie.

Sadie: Oh. Pwease have a cookie?

Me: That was a nice way to ask, but you still can't have a cookie.

Sadie: (crying) I want a cookie! Pwease have a cookie! (More crying)

Me: We don't cry and yell if we don't get what we want. 

Sadie: (calmly, with no tears) Oh.

I hope all her tantrums are so easily resolved. 

My kids love to watch Studio C with me. I love that it is something funny that is appropriate for my kids to watch but funny for adults as well. Sadie even asks to "watch a funny widow show" and hands me the ipad. She doesn't get why it's funny, but she sees the other kids laugh, so she laughs, too. 

We watched "Generation Gap" earlier tonight. (A Studio C sketch.) My other kids were all laughing and saying it was freaky, and Sadie just kept saying, "It's a cute baby! Wook at the cute baby!"

I read a book to Sadie this morning. I finished it and was just about to close the book. Sadie said, "Don't cwose it, Mommy. I want to kiss him." Then, she pulled the book close and gave Curious George a kiss. "I kissed the monkey. It's a cute monkey." 

Sadie said her prayer at lunch. "Thank you for this my mac and cheese. Pwease bwess this my mac and cheese. I wuv this my mac and cheese. And Daddy. And Avie. Amen." 

Broken Glasses and a Big Booty

Preston: Dad, was Mickey Mouse invented when your mom was a kid?

Bill: Yes.

Preston: What about stuffed animals? Did they have those back then?

Bill: (trying not to laugh) Yes. They even had telephones and electricity.

Bill: Carter, could you bring me that glass of water?

Preston: What's gossip water?

Avery: My glasses are broken!

Me: They don't look broken to me.

Avery: But my eyelashes touch them.

Get used to it, kid. When your eyelashes are that long, they are always going to be touching glasses or sunglasses. I had that problem, and hers are way longer than mine ever were.

Sadie has been walking around the house all day saying, "You never know!" in a sing song voice. It is super cute, but I don't know where she got it or what she means when she says it.

I showed Sadie a picture of Bill's dad from when he was in the Air Force. I told her it was Grandpa when he was younger. She responded, "That's a very hat!" I don't know what she meant to say, but it was cute.

I sat by Sadie in the rocking chair. She said, "That's a big booty," and patted my bum. Then she patted her own bum, "That's a widow booty."

Bath Time and Onions

I hate time changes. They still confuse me every time. I only feel like I know what happens AFTER it has already happened, but in the time leading up to it, I have no idea what will happen. Every time. Bill tries to explain it to me so I will understand. Other people always tell me all the weird sayings that are supposed to help me know. Nothing makes sense. Because of my inability to grasp this abstract concept, I kind of think every person who has ever told me I am smart is a liar. Maybe they think it is one of those lies of mercy. It's not. It would have been better for me to know earlier in life, when I had no expectations of my own intelligence, rather than to find out when I am this old that I am not smart enough to know what is about to happen as I anticipate a time change. Now, I feel my own stupidity so much more because I didn't already know I was stupid. Also, time changes are stupid anyway.

Sadie just gave her doll a bath. In the toilet. The day before that, she was putting a little candy wrapper in a cup of water she found, saying, "It's a fwimming pool, Mama. It's fwimming."

Bill: If you can't say something nice...

Preston: Then say something mean!

Our dinner was exceptionally good. Bill could open a restaurant and bakery if he wasn't busy being a good husband, dad, and rocket scientist. Preston asked what was in the chicken pot pies. After Bill told him, he started shuddering and convulsing. "Daddy, if you ever put onions in something, NEVER tell me!" There were more shudders and convulsions as he freaked out about the fact that he had eaten onions without knowing it.

Bill just gave Sadie a bath in our big bathtub. She had a great time. She handed the mesh duck to Bill and said, "Make the duck pee, Daddy." She wanted him to squeeze the duck and make water come pour out. Then she laughed. "Duck has a bummy." My kid is super mature. She already has the sense of humor of a six year old boy.

Superhero Labels

Avery and Sadie found a package of labels. It's a good thing, too, because I might have forgotten my name had I not looked down to the label they put on my shirt that says, "Mommy."

I really wanted to see Sadie trick or treating, so a friend brought over a wheelchair that I used to go around our little neighborhood with the kids. Bill made the mistake of helping Sadie for a minute and having Carter push me. I am lucky to be alive and somehow uninjured after he pushed me, running, down a big hill and then just let go. 

When we went to the Smoky Mountains a couple of weeks ago, Bill sat in the passenger seat on a particularly long and slow drive, thanks to giant crowd of people coming the first day it was reopened after the government shutdown. He had his hand out the window for a long time, like an hour, trying to catch a falling leaf. He even dramatically vowed to catch one of the leaves. After about an hour, we had all given up hope that he would ever do it, but in the very last quarter mile of the park, he actually caught one. Our kids have said things like, "Can you believe Daddy actually caught a leaf when we were driving?" several times in the last couple of weeks. They act like he is a superhero for catching the leaf.

We also went on a very little hike while in the mountains. I got down the trail just fine, but I was having a really hard time coming back up, so Bill grabbed me and carried me on his back. Other than his dramatic vow to catch the leaf, he really is not very dramatic at all. So, it was especially depressing when he had to breathe super hard and kept grunting, loudly, because of the dead weight of his wife. So much for being a superhero. Or romantic. He said it was harder to carry me than it was to climb the Grand Teton.

Clean Up Song in Spanish

We were trying to get Sadie to clean up last night, so we started to sing the cleanup song. I told the other kids to help me as well. Preston said, "Don't worry. I can sing the sing for everyone while you guys clean." Thanks, kid. Glad you got that covered.

Sadie: Thank you, Mama. (She says this after almost every bite she takes.)

Me: I love it when you tell me thank you when I give you things. When we pray, we tell Heavenly Father thank you because He gives us everything in the whole world. Do you want to say a prayer with me and tell Him thank you?

Sadie: No! Go away, Mama! (She takes another bite.) Thank you, Mama. (She takes another bite.) Thank you, Heaveny Fodder.

Sadie played for three hours with a little boy who only speaks Spanish. They were giggling and having fun the whole time, even though they speak different languages. There is probably some kind of lesson others could learn by watching them. Also, it reminds me that my great-grandparents got married without even speaking the same language. That would be difficult. 

I do not have permission to share the following conversation, so I will paraphrase and leave out names.

Person One: It just stresses me out to think of spending a lot of money right now.

Person Two: But it's a gorilla costume. Just think how much you would use it!

Sadie cries every day when the big kids go to school. She talks about them all day long, and asks where they are and then answers her question by saying that they are at school. She follows Avery around every afternoon and evening and on weekends. She's a funny little sidekick. 

Me: Sadie, are you going to go trick or treating?

Sadie: Wes. With Avie. I be a pirate?

Me: No. You can be a witch or a bunny or a spy.

Sadie: I skeered of a witch.

Me: Then you can wear the bunny costume.

Sadie: No, Mama. Go away. Daddy be a pirate?

Carter was a snowman for Halloween. It was his idea.