Christmas Butter

If anyone is looking for a new Christmas song to sing, here's a classic from Carter.  I think he composed it when he was almost three.  We've been singing it every Christmas time for the last five years.

Christmas Butter all over ________,
Christmas Butter all over ________,
Christmas Butter all over ________,
Christmas Butter all over you,
Christmas Butter all over me!

If you want the melody, you can call me, and I'll sing it to you.  I don't know how to post music on here.  If you want to know what Christmas Butter is, then ask someone else!  And if you know what it is, then send me the recipe!  (But don't put it all over me... because it's hard enough to get a shower when I have kids, and I don't want to fix my hair again, and it might stain my new shirt.)

Musical Conversation

Avery put her face in her hands and looked up at me with wide eyes, "Mom, can you tell me more about string instruments?  You know, like cellos, and guitars, and banjos, and violins?"

Preston piped in, "And tarps or something."  He made a motion like he was playing a harp. 

"Oh, you mean harps?" I asked.

"Yes, harps.  And pianos have strings on the INSIDE of them.  I saw it on Tom and Jerry." 

Back to Avery, "I just love the cello.  I want to play the cello when I grow up.  Do they have little cellos?  Aunt Becky plays the cello.  I just love the cello." 

Avery Loves Me!

I was trying to take a nap a few days ago, apparently one of my talents from a few posts back, but Avery just would not let me.  She kept coming back to wake me up and jump on me and get me to play with her.  I finally told her to go find Grandma and just let me sleep for a few minutes.  She went out and came back less than a minute later.  Exasperated, I said, "Why won't you just let me sleep?  I am so tired!"  She replied, "I love you so much, and I will wake you up every time you try to sleep." 

Later, I realized that she meant that she just wanted to be with me at all times because she loves me.  At that moment I thought differently.  But I got up and played with her, and she had fun.  And I didn't have a guilty conscience. 

Homework

I have to look through Carter's school work about once a week.  I found this assignment.

Carter's Medical History

I was kicking my soccer ball in my backyard and I broke my finger.

I got sick and burped a few egg burps.

I got chicken pocks when I was one or two.

I got a huge goose egg on my leg.

I got a whole bunch of fevers. 

The End

If you know what egg burps are, let me know. 

Also, I took Avery to the store one evening.  We passed the chocolate aisle, and Avery exclaimed, "Ruffles, ruffles.  Please get me some chocolate ruffles, Mommy."  (I figured out she meant chocolate truffles.) 

A List I Found

I found the following list on the floor this morning.  I thought you might enjoy it.

    Plans:

1.  Be nice.
2.  Play in playroom.
3.  Also play in room.
4.  Make a play.  (before Daddy)
5.  Hurry and do it.
6.  Make sure people like it..
7.  Get ready for church.
8.  Eat lunch.
9.  Get in the car.
10. Go to church.

This morning, this very early morning, I was sleeping soundly, when I was awakened by Preston.  I told him to go away and let me sleep longer.  He said, "But Mom, this is important."  "Okay, what do you need?"  "Mom, you can't forget that today is the day that we're supposed to wear clothes that don't match."  "Okay, now go out and close the door."  "Okay, Mom, but don't forget about it."   

It's Red Ribbon Week, and they have hat day, sports day, crazy hair day, pajama day, etc. 

Surprise?

So I forgot that Melissa still had me as a contributor to her blog... until today. Surprise Melissa! Look at those cute cheeks. Love you!

What Kind of Mother...

I was sitting on the couch.  Avery wanted to sit where I was, so she started yelling at me and kicking me to get me to move.  Now, I would have moved if she had asked me nicely, but I didn't feel like I should give in to this kind of treatment.  It went on for about twenty minutes:  Avery trying to get me to move and me ignoring her.  Finally, she had HAD it.  She sobbed desperately, "Who, (sob), who will make Mommy get away from me?"  More sobbing.

Lest you think she's all drama, she does stop playing several times a day to say, "I love you, Mom."  And her typical prayer goes, "Thank you that we can be nice.  Thank you that Daddy can come home safe.  Thank you that we can be safe.  Thank you that we can be good.  Thank you that Preston can be nice to me.  Thank you that we can play good.  Thank you that Mommy can feel better.  Thank you that we can have a good day.  Amen."  (She prays that I can feel better even when I'm not sick at all, which I think is kind of adorable and kind of sad that I have been sick/had broken body parts/had migraines/etc. enough that she thinks to always add it to her prayers.)

I think Carter has been trying to follow the counsel of the prophet.  Ever since Conference, he has been telling Bill and me thank you every single time we give him something or let him do something fun.  It's kind of awesome.  (I'm from Utah now, so I can say awesome.)

And Preston.  He's always talking about how many times he ran the "Gold Medal Mile" at school and which girls have pretty hair at school.  And he is completely unaware that the other kids in his kindergarten class can't pick up books like the scriptures and read from them pretty easily. 

A Few Commercials That I Hate

Here are examples of just a few commercials that I hate. 

1.  "Once upon a time, there were books.  Now, there's V-Reader from V-Tech."

      Like it's better than a book? 

2.  The Droid commercial, where the guy's arm turns into a machine.
    
     Like a machine is better than a real person?

3.  Reese's Commercials, especially the dark chocolate ones. 

     Like it's not hard enough being allergic to peanuts without extra temptation?

Are there any commercials you hate?

Naughty Mom

Have you ever done something that you have told your kids not to do?  Like eating in your bed.  I did that today for lunch.  It didn't turn out so well.  I was having left over chicken and rice casserole on a paper plate.  I was going to eat while I watched a show on my laptop.  Well, two-day-old chicken isn't very easy to cut into bites, especially trying to cut it against a paper plate, on my lap.  I pushed so hard with my fork that there was an explosion.  There was rice EVERYWHERE!  If only I would have obeyed my own rules and eaten my lunch in the kitchen...

Church Lessons

I asked the kids what they learned about in church yesterday.  They said that they learned about talents.  I asked, "What are some of the talents each person has in our family?" 

Here are some of the responses.

For Preston:
Carter said, "He's good at being mean."  (I said that doesn't count.)  "Well then, he's good at fighting with people and pretending that his dogs are real."
Avery said, "He's good at reading and riding his bike."

For Avery:
Carter said, "She's good at disobeying you."  (Doesn't count.)  "Well then, she's good at acting silly and climbing all over people."
Preston said, "She's good at playing toys."

For Carter:
Preston said, "He's good at playing legos."
Avery said, "He's good at reading and riding bikes."

For Bill:
Carter said, "He's good at cleaning the whole house and working from home on his computer sometimes."
Avery said, "He's good at building things."
Preston said, "He's good at working on the computer and making muffins."

For Melissa:
Carter said, "You're good at cleaning some of the house and doing some of the laundry and taking naps."
Avery said, "You're good at sewing things."
Preston said, "No, Avery, she's not good at sewing.  That's Grandma."
Avery said, "Oh yeah, you're not good at sewing.  Well, you're good at tickling me."

To be fair, I was trying to take my monthly nap, so....

Freaking Out

The other day, Avery had a friend over.  They were getting some barbie dolls out to play.  Preston told the little girl, "You HAVE to make sure all the barbies have clothes on.  If my mom sees a naked barbie, she will FUH-REAK out.  She HATES naked barbies!"

It's true that I hate naked barbies everywhere, but I don't think I have freaked out about them.  Apparently, Preston thinks I have.

Carter's Spelling Homework

I was glancing over Carter's spelling homework.  He had to write each word on the list in a sentence.  One of the words was "wag".  His sentence said,

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Here it comes.


 "I can wag my booty." 

Turning Numbers

Avie was being cute and cuddly last night.  She wouldn't go to bed when Bill kept telling her.  I don't know if I was helping because I kind of wanted her to stay and cuddle with me.  But I did tell her that she needed to obey her daddy better....and I said that as I hugged her tight.....  Bill piped in, "Yeah, Avie.  You haven't been obeying me very good lately.  You didn't obey when I told you to stay three, and you just went ahead and turned four."  I said, "Avie, didn't Heavenly Father tell us to obey our parents?"  She laughed and replied, "He did say to obey, but he didn't say to obey about turning another number.  He just said to obey about cleaning up and being nice.  He didn't say I have to obey about not turning four.  It's okay that I turned four."  She said all of this in her panda pajamas, pajamas that she has given a nickname to..... Panda Bear Pajams.  It's so much shorter without that last "A".....

Breakfast... and Socks

My kids came in to wake me up this morning so I could make them breakfast.  I wanted to sleep a little more, so I told them that there were doughnut holes they could have.  When I came out a while later, they asked me to make them oatmeal.  I asked, "Didn't you already eat breakfast?"  Carter responded, "We ate a little snack, but what we really want is for you to make us some oatmeal."  "Yeah," Avery said.  "Yeah," Preston agreed. 

What kids choose oatmeal over doughnuts?  Apparently mine.  They're better than me because I went straight for the treats this morning. 

We were talking this morning about how we could have a good day.  I asked what some of the things Heavenly Father wanted us to do were.  The boys responded that we should obey our parents, not fight, be nice to each other, not steal, etc.  Avery's answers were a little different. 

1.  We shouldn't get away from each other, like when we go to the park, we have to stay together.
2.  We shouldn't take someone's blankie or that will make them sad.
3.  We should give people socks.  Like, if they come to our house and their feet are cold, they might want some socks to warm them up. 

Poor Ferb

My boys were fighting over who got to be Phineas. 

Carter:  I get to be Phineas, and you get to be Ferb.
Preston:  No, I get to be Phineas, and you can be Ferb.
Carter:  Fine, you can be Phineas, but I don't want to be Ferb.  I'll be Baljeet.  He's the smart one.  He has all sorts of books, and he studies really well.
Preston:  Okay, and I'll be Phineas.  But I don't know who can be Isabella.  She's in love with me and wants to marry me.  Maybe Brianna.  (That's our neighbor, and she and Preston have already agreed to marry each other.) 
Carter:  Yeah, Brianna can be Isabella.  And then her head will pop off if you talk about other girls.

Yesterday

It was a pretty good day yesterday.  Except that Bill got stung by a bee.  And we have a giant sand pile in the driveway, so our house is super sandy from the kids tracking it in after playing in it for hours yesterday and today.  Maybe it will actually make it to the back yard where it belongs.  And I realized how badly I need a haircut when I took Avery potty at Walmart yesterday and some of my hair got wet.  Luckily, it was before she peed.  Still gross.

Nobody thinks she can read

I don't mean to only post things about Avery, but she's three.  Earlier today, she was sobbing to me, "Nobody thinks I can read all by myself, but I can, and nobody thinks I can.  Everybody just thinks I can't read and that I'm...a... baby-pants."  More sobbing.

What's a baby-pants? 

And she really can't read. 

But Preston can, and really well.  I don't know what he's going to learn in kindergarten.  Someone asked him, and he answered, "I'm going to learn about letters."  Sad that it's true. 

The Morning Rules

My niece and nephew came over early this morning, and I watched them the whole day.  I didn't want it to be too crazy with extra kids, so I sat all of them down and told them some rules.  "No fighting, no accidents in underwear, no yelling, no being mean to each other, no going downstairs or outside without asking, no locking doors, and you have to clean up your toys."  A minute later, as I was helping Avery get dressed, I realized that she needed a new pull-up.  "Avery," I said, exasperated, "you forgot to go on the potty!"  "But Mom, that happened BEFORE you said the rules."  (Like that made it all better....)

While trying to work with my nephew on learning to read, we tried getting him to sound out several words.  The other kids were playing and laughing in the other room.  He sat there, patiently cooperating, but he wasn't totally focused.  After about five minutes, he looked away from the letters and said wistfully, "I sure wish I could play now."  We gave up. 

Preston gave Nathan, the nephew, some Nilla wafers.  Apparently, Nathan had never had this treat before.  He tried his first one and exclaimed, "Mmmmmmm, yummy, delicious, tasty, wonderful, mmmmmmm, so good and yummy!"  Preston looked at him with a serious expression, and said, "I knew you were going to say that."

The other day, Avery confided to me with a giggle, "Mommy, Daddy wants me to stay three forever, but I'm really going to turn four.  I'm not going to just stay three."

Scriptures

Last night, we were trying to read scriptures.  When it came to Avery's turn, she insisted that she read it by herself.  The only problem:  She can't read.  We tried to prompt her, "And it came to pass..."  "No, I want to do it all by myself!  And it came to pass...."  "That I Nephi..."  "Don't help me!  And it came to pass that I Nephi...."  That's as much as we ever got.  She did not want us telling her even one more word.  So she finished it on her own.  "And it came to pass that I Nephi...... that.. I.. know.. what.. I.. am.. reading.. and.. I.. don't.. need.. any.. help.. from.. anybody." 

A New Lullaby

Avie sang a new kind of lullaby yesterday.  She called it a love-a-bye.  It went something like this

Go to sleep my little one.
Go to sleep my precious little bear.
Go to sleep my sweetheart.
Close your eyes and go to sleep.
If you don't go to sleep,
You won't get any food,
And not even any fish sticks....

True or False?

I was teaching my kids what "false" meant, and I gave them a whole bunch of sample true or false questions to answer.  I don't usually say manipulative trick questions, but this time I asked, "True or False?  I am skinny."  My boys quickly yelled, "FALSE!"  "So, you guys think I'm fat?"  "No, Mommy, you're chubby."  "I'm chubby?" I asked, with a slightly hurt tone.  "Well, you're just a little bit chubby," one boy said.  "Yeah, just kind of chubby," the other agreed.  Well, that makes me feel better that I'm only kind of chubby in the eyes of my kids.  I guess there's no point in trying anymore.  Bring on the cinnamon rolls.  And the chocolate chip cookies.  Really, bring them over. 

The Mysterious Baby

Avery came into my room with a wet washcloth.
Me:  Where did you get that?
Avery:  From my room.
Me:  Who got it wet?
Avery:  I don't know.  It wasn't me.
Me:  Well, go ask the boys how it got wet.
Avery:  I can't remember.
Me:  Did you get it wet?
Avery:  No.  Maybe it was a baby that came to our house and somebody holded up the baby to the sink to get it wet.
Me:  ???
Avery:  It WAS a baby.  But I don't know the baby's name.  Maybe somebody was going to the store, and the baby gotted out of the car and came into our house, and then somebody holded the baby up to the sink. 
(a minute later)
Avery:  Mommy, what shape are washcloths? 

Trams

Last night, my four-year-old nephew was talking about going to the San Diego Zoo.  He said, "I hope they have a train there, or something like that."  I replied that I couldn't remember if they did or not but that I thought they did have a tram.  He said, "Is that the box that you buckle up in that goes on a zipline?"  "Yes.  How did you know about trams?"  "I saw it on Phineas and Ferb."  "Oh, on the one with Swinter?"  "Yes.  Trams go really high.  I don't want to ride in one.  No way.  It would scare me.  I would even be so freaked out!"

Other People's Kids Are Funny, Too

While at a friend's house yesterday, the older boys were bugging all the younger kids.  My friend told her son, "Stop playing fighting and war, and go play something else."  He responded, "I'm not playing war!  I just have to shoot this missile at Carter...." 

Funny People

When I was in college, everyone used to think I was so funny.  They used to like my Mexican man voice, which hurt my throat.  They used to like all my jokes.  Now I never really tell jokes.  I am way too tired.  I still think funny things in my head, but I rarely say them out loud; it just takes too much energy.  (I also am more careful because I don't want to offend other people, so I can't make fun of them....unless they're family....)  But at least I don't have to say the funny things.  My kids take care of that.

Avery and I went to a mother-daughter party.  We did little make-overs and pedicures.  I had told someone there that Bill didn't want Avery wearing mascara until she's twenty-one because her eyelashes are so long.  I put some on her at the party.  When she came home, she showed Bill her make-up.  Then she came to me, very excited, and said, "You were wrong, Mom!  Daddy didn't even get mad that I have make-up on!"

Preston has been having trouble being nice, but the other day, sometime after lunch, he exclaimed, in a surprised voice, "It's already after lunch, and I haven't been mean all day!" 

I called my sister today to see if they were coming over.  She said she probably would.  A few seconds later, the doorbell rang.  It was my nephew, who burst through the door and proclaimed, "We tricked you, Aunt Melissa!  We was being sneaky because we was already here when you called, and you didn't know it!"

We ordered a Phineas and Ferb joke book for the boys.  Their favorite one is, "Why was six scared of seven?"  "Because seven ate nine."  It was funny the first ten times they told it....

The Sacred Meeting Replica Knife Collection

We just got this AWESOME offer in the mail. 

Honestly, who would not want this piece of art?  And it even comes with the buffalo display skull FREE!  Look at that wolf detail on the skull.  Just beautiful.  And it's only two easy payments of $19.99.... for EACH KNIFE!  What a deal.  It's a magnificent fifteen inches tall, too!

Books, Bikes, and Bites

I have read about twenty-five books in the last six weeks.  Maybe twenty-six.  Thank goodness for friends who lend/send me books.  I've got about ten left to go before I return the borrowed books.  I read two today.  One made me laugh.  The other made me on the edge of my seat, but I didn't fall off somehow.  Do you have any good books to recommend to me once I finish my little stack?  I need something to do since it appears that I'm going to be dizzy forever.  (No, I don't have any useful results, but I am just giving up hope of being stable ever again.  Like I ever was anway!)

I finally got a recumbent bike today.  I tried it out, and I did not fall off.  I burned 300 calories.  Then I ate a huge meatball sub with no vegetables. 

My five-year-old has been biting and pinching and scratching his siblings!  What do I do with a kid that old who is doing stuff like that?  Nothing is working, and I am going a little crazy!  He is so sweet some of the time, but when he is mad/sad/scared/lonely/tired/hungry/bored/etc., he just goes crazy, and I am out of solutions. 

Also, Bill lost six pounds on a "miracle diet".  Maybe I should have tried harder to catch what he and Preston had.  Then I wouldn't still be one stomach flu away from my ideal weight.  Then maybe I could fit into my cute jeans instead of my fat-ish jeans.  I'm still blaming Europe for having amazing pastries, even if it was over a year ago.  No, I don't actually think I'm fat, but my kids have been asking if I have a baby in my tummy, and that's never a good sign, especially when I don't. 

Skinny Jeans

I don't get skinny jeans.  They don't actually make regular sized people look more attractive.  I can see the benefit for designers, though.  They save money by using less fabric, but they can still charge the same price for the pants.  Are you a fan of skinny jeans?  I'm not, but maybe if I watch HSN enough, I will be convinced of their merits by Serena Williams.  (I have never actually watched HSN, but I just read an article about her selling 1900 pairs of skinny jeans in ten minutes.)  Maybe I'll become a fan one day, one day when my booty shrinks to skinny jean size.

My Latest Test

I got to go through two hours of awesomeness today.  I mean, what could be better than someone shooting cold and hot water into my ears to see what my reaction is, while I am hooked up to electrodes?  (My reaction was intense dizziness, if you were wondering.)  He also made me follow dots on a screen for a while.  But while he was shooting the cold and hot water into my ears, he made me A) count backwards from 100 by two's, B) say a girl's name for every letter of the alphabet, C) say a boy's name for every letter of the alphabet, D) count to 102 by three's, E) name all of the vegetables in our garden, F) name all of the fruits we would find at a fruit stand in Perry, G) name all of the towns in Box Elder County, and H) Name all the stores I like to shop at.  I didn't do very well on most of those.  I think he was trying to distract me from my dizziness so I wouldn't lose my lunch and mess up the test.  Anyway, all I know for sure is that my balance is asymmetrical, which I already thought was the case.  But at least I didn't fall off the table. 

And I got some cute Tulle clothes in the mail today.  I held up a dress in front of me, and Preston said, "Ooh, Mama.  You look beautiful."  Then I tried one of the shirts on, and he said, "You look so pretty, Mama."  I don't know what he thinks he'll get by complimenting me, but I like it....

Avery is a little bit scary sometimes.  She came running at me, saying, "This is going to be so much fun!"  Then she jumped on me.  It was not fun.  It hurt. 

She is also sweet.  I was going kind of crazy yesterday not being able to get out of bed, and I said something to the effect of, "What I am going to have to do to feel better?"  I was mostly talking to myself.  (I did say that I was going crazy...)  She responded, "I know what will help!  Kisses will help you!  I can give you a bunch of kisses, and then you'll feel better.  That's a good idea.  Kisses are a good idea to help you."  I like her kind of ideas. 

Infinity and Soupcases

Preston and Carter talk about infinity a lot lately.  Yesterday, Preston came sobbing to me, "Mom, Carter won't let me have infinity of pretend stuff!"  Not knowing exactly how to respond, I said, "If it's just pretend, then you can have whatever you want."  Carter said, "If it's infinity, it would crush him!"  Preston said, "Well, I was going to share..."

Avery has worn the same necklace for three days in a row.  I asked her if she was going to wear it the whole time on our vacation.  She said, "Yes, but I'll put it in my soupcase when we go to the beach because I don't want to get sand on it.  My soupcase is a good place for it."

Bucket O' Fries

One day, about a year or two ago, I went through the Arctic Circle drive-through.  You might wonder, "What kind of person works at a fast food place?"  I had wondered about that as well.  I wonder no longer.  Our exchange went like this:

In trying to determine what size fries to order, I asked, "How big is your bucket o' fries?"  (I was hoping for maybe how many ounces it had or how much larger it was than the large, but she obviously understood my question differently. 

She enthusiastically answered, "Well, it's our biggest size, and it's just full of fries!"

I replied, "I'll take one of those, then." 

And it really was their biggest size, and it was just full of fries....

At the Dentist

We went to the dentist yesterday.  (I was the only one with a cavity.)  During the appointment, I watched the news without the sound but with subtitles.  They must have had a computer translating.  These are some of the phrases that I saw:

"Yesterday, a droop of Utahns..."
"Two paraphernilia and their toddlers...."
"They quickly dropped to the drowned...."

There were more, lots more.  It was embarrassing when I kept laughing out loud.  It was also embarrassing when I fell after getting out of the chair.  (So sick of being dizzy, but my MRI is today, so maybe I will know why I can't even walk across the room without falling.)

I also heard Preston in the next room, telling the dental assistant all about the princess movies we have and which princess toys Avery has.  She had just asked if Avery liked Sleeping Beauty, I think because she was finding toothbrushes for the kids.  But he went on about it for at least five minutes. 

The Nothing Song

One day, maybe about a year ago, I asked Avery what song she wanted me to sing, and she replied, "The Nothing Song!"  She, of course, meant that she didn't want me to sing any song to her, but I made up a song that now is called "The Nothing Song."  She was bugged at the time, but now it is pretty much the only song that she wants me to sing to her. (At least it sounds better than "The Flower Song", and at least she doesn't want the flower song lately... I really should be more careful when making songs up on the spot....)  At night, she will ask me to sing it nonstop until she falls asleep.  I wish I were singing a song with more substance, but I have little choice with that girl.  It goes like this:

Nothing, nothing, this is the nothing song.
Nothing, nothing, this song is nothing at all. 

I guess she likes the tune.  There's really nothing to the song itself.  (Pun sort of intended....)

Complaints

I feel like a bobble-head...who just got off the tea-cup ride...with a strobe light that won't stop....

Don't ever get an inner-ear infection if you can help it.  It is not fun, even though it might sound like it is.  It is boring.  And dizzying.  And I so want to go do something fun, but I can't even walk across the room without injuring myself.  You might think, hey, she's just lying around, maybe she could read.  Actually, no, I can't.  It gives me motion sickness.  I look longingly at my stack of books to be read, which I think is around twelve to fifteen books high, and I sigh.  Sigh. 

But at least Carter made me a giant card.  It said, "Mom, I'm sorry you lost your balance.  I hope you get it back soon."  And on the back, there is a duck that says, "Quack."

I Have FIVE Followers!

Hurray!  I have five followers now!  What an accomplishment!  And all this time I thought nobody was reading my blog.  How wrong I was. 

Also, Preston talks in his sleep.  I found this out during the many naps he has taken since he got sick.  It is funny.  Avery also does.  The only thing I remember her saying is, "Professor, Professor, Professor."  Where did that come from? 

We decorated Easter Eggs tonight.  I was having lots of anxiety about the kids spilling the dye and breaking eggs.  It turns out I was worrying about the wrong people.  I was the one to break two eggs right in a row.  Bill couldn't stop laughing, (kind of like how Heather couldn't stop laughing at my burnt hair last week.)  I am blaming it on my inner ear infection, mostly because that is the actual reason.  I am so unsteady and dizzy.  I finally had to quit "helping" the kids and let Bill take over. 

Kangaroos

Preston:  Mom, what do kangaroos eat?
Me:  I don't know.
Preston:  Oh, you 're not a kangaroo expert?
Me:  No, I'm not a kangaroo expert.

And why I love being a mom.....

Preston:  Mom, I'm going to cuddle with you every single day forever.  Is that okay?

Junk Food and Orth

Preston:  If we lived in a car, we would have to eat junk food for dinner.
Me:  You would have to eat junk food for dinner? 
Preston:  You know, the stuff with sugar. 

Me:  Avery, I think Heavenly Father loves me a lot.  (I was going to add because he sent her to our family.)
Avery:  Yeah, because he gave us fruit.  He made the seeds and the water for the plants.  And he made me be a daughter.  Then he sent me to the family world.  It's called Orth.  And outside of Orth is space. 

Fire Roasted

As I explain what happened to me, Bill would like me to say that I had fire-roasted salsa and hair in the same day.  It's true.  I was starting to fix my hair on Sunday morning.  I ran the flat iron over my bangs.  Then I noticed a strange smell and hair falling out.  My bangs did not look better, and now the hair that is left is crispy and frizzy.  And it can stand up straight in the air.  That's quite a feat for my thin and fine hair!  I was very upset, and I had tears come close to the surface many times that day.  My hair also smelled really bad, as did our bathroom.  Needless to say, I did not finish straightening the rest of my hair, and up it went into a ponytail.  So much for growing out my bangs!  Now I will have to keep cutting off the crispy stuff until it is completely grown out.  And Bill did make a truly amazing soup with fire-roasted salsa.  Super spicy and super good.....once I added tons of sour cream and cheese to tone it down!  The kids just kept eating it with tears in their eyes, loving every bite.  Bless these little cuties who ask for spicier salsa if we only give them mild!

Fun with Kids Today

Avery:  I thought of a good idea for a game.  Preston can be the person who gets spanked, and we can be the spankers!  (She tried it out, and surprisingly, Preston did not love it.)

Me:  Avery, go brush your teeth.
Avery:  I have a toothbrush in your bathroom.  It's the pink one.  (If you know Avery, you would know that she would never have any other color than pink for ANYTHING.)

Avery came screaming to me, "Mom, Preston said he was going to turn me into a balloon!"  (She cried for about five minutes about this.) 

Not to leave Preston out...

Preston:  Mom, I didn't do anything to the curtains.  It just came out of the wall itself. 

Preston:  I saw a bad guy downstairs! 
Me:  What did he look like?
Preston:  He didn't have any skin or hair.
Me:  He was just bones and muscles?
Preston:  No, he was all black.
Me:  Was it your shadow?
Preston:  Maybe.

Carter is funny, too, but mainly because everything embarrasses him.  Like me having an asthma attack during the opening song in church.  Like having to sleep in a girl's room.  Like getting a referral at school because his friend was playing in the bathroom and they didn't go back to class very quickly.  Like...just about everything I do! 

How can you argue with this logic?

Preston:  Are there people who drink alcohol that live on Earth?
Mel:  Yes.
Preston:  Well, who makes the alcohol for them?
Mel:  I don't know.
Preston:  Well, I think Laban makes the alcohol for people because he was drunk when Nephi found him, so he likes it. 

I want to hold your hand!

While driving home from Costco, Avery and Preston were arguing about who got to hold my hand.

Preston:  I want to hold your hand.
Avery:  No, I want to hold your hand. 

I sang, "I wanna hold your ha-a-a-a-a-a-and.  I wanna hold your hand."

Preston:  That's not a real song.  You just made that up.
Me:  No, it is a real song. 
Preston:  Then who wrote it?  (He thinks every song is by Uncle Matt.)
Me:  The Beatles.
Preston:  The beetles?  But they're just bugs. 

Family Pictures!

Waking Up

I woke up this morning to my phone ringing.

Melissa:  Hello?
Becky:  Did I wake you up?
Melissa:  Uh....
Becky:  I just wanted to let you know that Preston is calling people on Bill's phone.  He's called us twice this morning to invite us to a surprise party for his animals.
Melissa:  Bill, quick!  Get your phone away from Preston!
Bill:  Give me that!
Carter:  Daddy, how did you know we were using your phone?

Later....

Melissa:  Preston, what did you say on the phone?
Preston:  Uncle Matthew said, "Are you supposed to be using your daddy's phone?" and I said, "Bye!"

The Sound of Music

Our kids watched the Sound of Music for the first time this week.  Carter was asking about the song, "Sixteen Going on Seventeen", wondering what "going on" meant.  We explained it to him.

Carter:  So, I'm seven, going on eight, right?
Melissa:  That's right.
Preston:  And I'm five, going on six?
Melissa:  Right.  Avery, what are you?
Avery:  I'm three, going on fourteen.
Bill and I agreed that she was right.