Percy Jackson and the Tummy of Monsters

Preston: Who would you like to be the son of? (We were watching Percy Jackson, and he was wondering which Greek god I would want to come from, I am assuming.)

Me: Nobody.

Preston: Why not? Not even the son of your dad?

Me: No. I don't want to be the son of anyone.

Preston: Why? Oh! Because then you would be Uncle Matt?

Me: Right.

Preston: And then you would have to burp the ABC's?

Bill was using a jackhammer a lot of the day. It was loud, so the attempts to get Sadie to take a nap all failed. After the final attempt, when she screamed for a long time, I brought her into my bed to cuddle with me and try to calm down. I asked her why she was crying so hard. She answered, "There's monsters! There's monsters in my tummy. They want to eat my hands." I tried to reassure her that there were no monsters, that it was just Daddy using a tool that was really loud. "There's a monster looking at me. In my winnow. It's Tootie (Cookie) Monster. He wants to eat my hands. It's starey. He wants to eat my hands," she said, with tears still coming to her eyes.

Avery has been playing school with Sadie a lot lately. Sadie was getting ready for school today. She put a jacket on over her footie pajamas, put her princess backpack on, and told me she was going to school. I asked who her teacher was. She seemed to have been trained well. She answered, "It's Miss Avie. Miss Avie is my teacher."

I fixed Sadie's hair the other day. I told her she looked like a pretty princess with her hair like that. She shook her head. "No, I don't wook wike a princess. I wook wike a pretty Minnie Mouse. Oh, I'm tute wike Minnie."

Lifted Heavenward

I was just reading this talk, and part of it really spoke to me. "From the bed of pain, from the pillow wet with tears, we are lifted heavenward by that divine assurance and precious promise: "I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." Such comfort is priceless." 

I really do not have it that bad. This post is not meant in any way to be a complaint. Sometimes, especially lately, I have had moments of feeling forsaken when I couldn't walk, or when I have had other problems, mostly related to my health. Luckily, those moments have been just moments. I have been lifted. Sometimes, through prayer. Sometimes, through music, especially when hearing my new two-year-old today singing "You Are My Sunshine" from start to finish. Sometimes, because of a scripture or Conference talk I read. Sometimes, through the help of others. Sometimes, through inspiration to help someone else. Sometimes, just because of a few words from a friend or family member. Often, because of my funny and weird kids. Or your weird kids. Frequently, because of my hard-working and kind husband who can cook AND get all four kids to bed by himself most nights. I am lifted heavenward by those around me. Thank you for being one of those who lifts me up. You are an answer to my prayers. I can't express adequately how much I appreciate it. 

I am constantly lifted up, and I love that I keep getting chances to improve and to remember that He will not fail me or forsake me, even when my medicine makes me get no sleep for several nights in a row, a fat face, and extra acne. He will not fail or forsake my children, even when they can't stop fighting with or annoying each other. He will not fail or forsake my completely exhausted husband. He will not fail or forsake you, no matter what your trials and weaknesses are. Such comfort really is priceless. Plus, you can always change your pillowcase if you have one of those pillows wet with tears. Unless you forgot to wash your laundry, or you left it in the washer for three days and have to re-wash it because it stinks. If that happened, you can just flip your pillow over and start over on the other side until you receive the priceless comfort that can come.

Baby in a Wheelchair

Sadie asked if she could watch "a widow show. I wanna watch Phimeous and Ferb. Giving a monkey a shower." I guess she has paid attention when the older kids were watching it.

Last night, Sadie was cuddling with me in my bed. She tucked the blanket all the way up to my chin. "You wook wike a baby! I'm the mommy." I asked her what she would say to me if she was my mommy. She replied, "I would say, Hewoh! I wuv you!"

It's a big day for me. I get my first wheelchair. I know I won't have to use it all the time, but it is still a little depressing that my doctor wrote a prescription for me to get one at all. I am glad, however, to be able to have one for when I need it and that my insurance pays for part of it. It is still a blessing, but it's hard to feel glad in my heart that I need a wheelchair. I am grateful for health insurance. I have to get shots five days in a row, and if I didn't have insurance, it would cost $35,000...for five shots! Luckily, I only have to pay twenty percent of the cost, until we reach our maximum out of pocket costs, which we are close to reaching already. 

Sadie keeps saying today, "Oh no! You're gonna tittow me!" Then she laughs, as she comes to get tickled.

Carter has his first orchestra concert tonight, and we are going to miss it. I am trying to feel bad about that, but then, I think of the headache that I won't get by missing it, and I feel better. We'll go to the next one, and they should be a little better by then.

Today is Yellow

Preston came upstairs crying. He was supposed to be in bed. Heather said, as she showed off her fake nunchuck skills with Avery's nunchucks from her Halloween costume, "I'll give you something to cry about." Preston started crying harder, not realizing that she was just joking. She assured him that she wouldn't really hit him. He was almost calm. Heather asked, "Where do you want me to put this?" I told her to put the nunchucks in the Halloween bin in the storage room. She tossed them down the stairs to put them away the next time she went down, but they hit Preston on the head as they went past. Fifteen seconds after she finished reassuring him that she would never really hit him with nunchucks.

Aunt of the Year.

I said out loud, mostly to myself, "What day is it today?" Sadie answered, "Eweven." "No, eleven is a number." Sadie replied, "Oh. Is it yewow?" 

I don't know when she is going to understand colors and numbers and days of the week and letters. Obviously, not before she is two, which is next week...

Thanks to her husband getting a better job, my favorite massage therapist (and friend) has moved to another state. So, when I woke up unable to move well, I pulled out the chair massager. Sadie keeps sticking her hand between my back and the little rolling balls and saying, "Oh! It bumped my hand! Now it bumped my finger! Now it bumped my other finger!" 

My favorite thing that Sadie says lately is, "You stow (stole) it!" She says it about everything. "Ruby stow my shoes!" she said when she noticed they had the same shoes. "Tarter stow my scissors!" she said when Carter took some sharp scissors away for her safety. "Daddy stow my marters!" she said when he took some markers she had used to draw all over herself and the house. "Mama, you stow my sippy tup!" she says every day when I load one into the dishwasher. And yesterday, as I was cleaning up her breakfast, which was one of those gross sausages wrapped in a pancake on a stick that one of her brothers got for her, she said, "You stow my hot dog!" I didn't know if she really knew what stealing was, but the other day at the store, they had some samples of candy sitting out at our awesome local Amish store. The whole way home, and afterward for a while, she kept saying, "Daddy stow the tandy at the store. He stow it!" She seemed to understand that he ate some and gave her some without paying for it. She didn't really seem to get the concept of free samples. Maybe she thinks we're stealing every time we go to Costco.

Yesterday, I was minding my own business when Sadie yelled, "There's a reawy big bubbow!" She ran to me and hit my bum. "There. I popped it." Then she hit the other side of my bum. "Now I popped the other bubbow." 

Avery made herself a list for each day of the week. On each list, she wrote down all the things she needs to do to get ready for school or church or basketball, depending on the day. Today, she said, "You don't have to tell me what thing to do next before school every day. I can just look at my lists and see what I have done or what still needs to be done. Sometimes, if I listen to you, then I skip something on my list, and it makes me forget something. So, I have to do it in the order of my lists. Okay?" 

Earrings or Shoes?

Apparently, the five minutes that I went into my room to get ready were about five minutes too many to not have Sadie and her friend in my sight. They locked themselves in Carter's room and found markers and made masterpieces on his wall and all over themselves. It was okay because a few minutes later, I found them in the bathtub happily pouring all the soap out and getting it all over themselves. At least they tried to clean up after themselves. Both of these things happened a good ten minutes after they got into the applesauce. What I don't get is how they manage to get into so much trouble and have so much fun doing it and coordinate their troublemaking so well when they don't speak the same language. It is kind of awesome.

Heather: Oh! The things you thought were earrings are really shoes. (Speaking about a box of dress-up clothes from Costco.)

Me: That's weird. I was sure they were earrings. (Disclaimer: From looking at the little pictures on the box, they looked like earrings to me.)

Heather: Nope. You were wrong.

***pause***

Me: Are you sure they're earrings? 

***awkward silence***

Heather: No, I'm sure they're shoes.

I don't think Heather will ever let me pick out her earrings. Or her shoes.

Heather: Aren't you glad you have a really smart dad?

Preston: He's not as smart as Albert Einstein.

Heather took my kids to school this morning. When she got there, Carter realized he had forgotten his cello. So, she came back home to get it and brought it back to the school. About and hour later, just as she was falling asleep, the school secretary called. "Avery isn't feeling well. Can someone come pick her up?" Heather said she would do it in twenty minutes. A minute later, the guilt got the better of her, and she got up and went a third time to the school. An hour later, when Avery seemed to be just fine, I suggested that perhaps she could go back to school. Heather said, "No way am I driving to their school five times in one day! Avery can stay home."

At least my sister is nice and drives my kids around while I can't drive.

Kissing Monkeys

Me: Carter, are you doing better at the things that we talked about during your student led conference?

Carter: I think mostly. Except the part about thinking about things before I do them. I stepped on a water bottle that didn't have the lid on tight, and the lid flew off and hit a girl right in the middle of her forehead. 

Me: Why did you step on it?

Carter: I have no idea. That's kind of the problem.

Sadie: Do you has a baby in there, Mommy? (Pointing at my belly.)

Me: No.

Sadie: Oh. Do you has a donut in there?

Me: No.

Sadie: (looking very skeptical) Oh. (She looked back at my belly.) Oh.

Sadie: I want a cookie.

Me: You can't have a cookie.

Sadie: Oh. Pwease have a cookie?

Me: That was a nice way to ask, but you still can't have a cookie.

Sadie: (crying) I want a cookie! Pwease have a cookie! (More crying)

Me: We don't cry and yell if we don't get what we want. 

Sadie: (calmly, with no tears) Oh.

I hope all her tantrums are so easily resolved. 

My kids love to watch Studio C with me. I love that it is something funny that is appropriate for my kids to watch but funny for adults as well. Sadie even asks to "watch a funny widow show" and hands me the ipad. She doesn't get why it's funny, but she sees the other kids laugh, so she laughs, too. 

We watched "Generation Gap" earlier tonight. (A Studio C sketch.) My other kids were all laughing and saying it was freaky, and Sadie just kept saying, "It's a cute baby! Wook at the cute baby!"

I read a book to Sadie this morning. I finished it and was just about to close the book. Sadie said, "Don't cwose it, Mommy. I want to kiss him." Then, she pulled the book close and gave Curious George a kiss. "I kissed the monkey. It's a cute monkey." 

Sadie said her prayer at lunch. "Thank you for this my mac and cheese. Pwease bwess this my mac and cheese. I wuv this my mac and cheese. And Daddy. And Avie. Amen." 

Broken Glasses and a Big Booty

Preston: Dad, was Mickey Mouse invented when your mom was a kid?

Bill: Yes.

Preston: What about stuffed animals? Did they have those back then?

Bill: (trying not to laugh) Yes. They even had telephones and electricity.

Bill: Carter, could you bring me that glass of water?

Preston: What's gossip water?

Avery: My glasses are broken!

Me: They don't look broken to me.

Avery: But my eyelashes touch them.

Get used to it, kid. When your eyelashes are that long, they are always going to be touching glasses or sunglasses. I had that problem, and hers are way longer than mine ever were.

Sadie has been walking around the house all day saying, "You never know!" in a sing song voice. It is super cute, but I don't know where she got it or what she means when she says it.

I showed Sadie a picture of Bill's dad from when he was in the Air Force. I told her it was Grandpa when he was younger. She responded, "That's a very hat!" I don't know what she meant to say, but it was cute.

I sat by Sadie in the rocking chair. She said, "That's a big booty," and patted my bum. Then she patted her own bum, "That's a widow booty."

Bath Time and Onions

I hate time changes. They still confuse me every time. I only feel like I know what happens AFTER it has already happened, but in the time leading up to it, I have no idea what will happen. Every time. Bill tries to explain it to me so I will understand. Other people always tell me all the weird sayings that are supposed to help me know. Nothing makes sense. Because of my inability to grasp this abstract concept, I kind of think every person who has ever told me I am smart is a liar. Maybe they think it is one of those lies of mercy. It's not. It would have been better for me to know earlier in life, when I had no expectations of my own intelligence, rather than to find out when I am this old that I am not smart enough to know what is about to happen as I anticipate a time change. Now, I feel my own stupidity so much more because I didn't already know I was stupid. Also, time changes are stupid anyway.

Sadie just gave her doll a bath. In the toilet. The day before that, she was putting a little candy wrapper in a cup of water she found, saying, "It's a fwimming pool, Mama. It's fwimming."

Bill: If you can't say something nice...

Preston: Then say something mean!

Our dinner was exceptionally good. Bill could open a restaurant and bakery if he wasn't busy being a good husband, dad, and rocket scientist. Preston asked what was in the chicken pot pies. After Bill told him, he started shuddering and convulsing. "Daddy, if you ever put onions in something, NEVER tell me!" There were more shudders and convulsions as he freaked out about the fact that he had eaten onions without knowing it.

Bill just gave Sadie a bath in our big bathtub. She had a great time. She handed the mesh duck to Bill and said, "Make the duck pee, Daddy." She wanted him to squeeze the duck and make water come pour out. Then she laughed. "Duck has a bummy." My kid is super mature. She already has the sense of humor of a six year old boy.

Superhero Labels

Avery and Sadie found a package of labels. It's a good thing, too, because I might have forgotten my name had I not looked down to the label they put on my shirt that says, "Mommy."

I really wanted to see Sadie trick or treating, so a friend brought over a wheelchair that I used to go around our little neighborhood with the kids. Bill made the mistake of helping Sadie for a minute and having Carter push me. I am lucky to be alive and somehow uninjured after he pushed me, running, down a big hill and then just let go. 

When we went to the Smoky Mountains a couple of weeks ago, Bill sat in the passenger seat on a particularly long and slow drive, thanks to giant crowd of people coming the first day it was reopened after the government shutdown. He had his hand out the window for a long time, like an hour, trying to catch a falling leaf. He even dramatically vowed to catch one of the leaves. After about an hour, we had all given up hope that he would ever do it, but in the very last quarter mile of the park, he actually caught one. Our kids have said things like, "Can you believe Daddy actually caught a leaf when we were driving?" several times in the last couple of weeks. They act like he is a superhero for catching the leaf.

We also went on a very little hike while in the mountains. I got down the trail just fine, but I was having a really hard time coming back up, so Bill grabbed me and carried me on his back. Other than his dramatic vow to catch the leaf, he really is not very dramatic at all. So, it was especially depressing when he had to breathe super hard and kept grunting, loudly, because of the dead weight of his wife. So much for being a superhero. Or romantic. He said it was harder to carry me than it was to climb the Grand Teton.

Clean Up Song in Spanish

We were trying to get Sadie to clean up last night, so we started to sing the cleanup song. I told the other kids to help me as well. Preston said, "Don't worry. I can sing the sing for everyone while you guys clean." Thanks, kid. Glad you got that covered.

Sadie: Thank you, Mama. (She says this after almost every bite she takes.)

Me: I love it when you tell me thank you when I give you things. When we pray, we tell Heavenly Father thank you because He gives us everything in the whole world. Do you want to say a prayer with me and tell Him thank you?

Sadie: No! Go away, Mama! (She takes another bite.) Thank you, Mama. (She takes another bite.) Thank you, Heaveny Fodder.

Sadie played for three hours with a little boy who only speaks Spanish. They were giggling and having fun the whole time, even though they speak different languages. There is probably some kind of lesson others could learn by watching them. Also, it reminds me that my great-grandparents got married without even speaking the same language. That would be difficult. 

I do not have permission to share the following conversation, so I will paraphrase and leave out names.

Person One: It just stresses me out to think of spending a lot of money right now.

Person Two: But it's a gorilla costume. Just think how much you would use it!

Sadie cries every day when the big kids go to school. She talks about them all day long, and asks where they are and then answers her question by saying that they are at school. She follows Avery around every afternoon and evening and on weekends. She's a funny little sidekick. 

Me: Sadie, are you going to go trick or treating?

Sadie: Wes. With Avie. I be a pirate?

Me: No. You can be a witch or a bunny or a spy.

Sadie: I skeered of a witch.

Me: Then you can wear the bunny costume.

Sadie: No, Mama. Go away. Daddy be a pirate?

Carter was a snowman for Halloween. It was his idea.

A Saturday at Costco with the Family

I hate going to Costco on a Saturday. It is always so crowded. We got there a little after lunchtime. We thought we would just go in and be out after we got everything on our list. We pulled into the busy parking lot.

"Do you want to use your handicap parking permit?" Bill asked. 

"No," I answered, "It will feel like cheating when I haven't had any problems with walking for about a week now. There are probably old people who actually need the spaces." 

So, he pulled into the very farthest parking spot from the doors. "At least it's in the shade," he said. We walked in, and began the search for the few necessities we were looking for, as we also started filling our cart with all kinds of things we didn't need. Christmas dresses for the girls. Three new books that were part of three different series we had been reading. New jeans without holes for Bill, jeans he knew would fit because he almost always buys his jeans from the tables at Costco, not the Kirkland brand. Those are just weird looking. We had wandered to the area full of toys for Christmas time. They usually bring out all the Christmas stuff and toys in September. 

"Bill, I am getting kind of worn out," I told him. "We might have to hurry with all our shopping if we still want to go to Target and get Preston a birthday present." 

About a minute or two later, he looked at my slow walking and asked, "Do you want me to go get you a wheelchair?"

I looked at him, aghast. "No way. I can walk just fine. I am just a little tired." How dare he insinuate that I need a wheelchair!

"Are you sure? I can just go grab one from the front."

And be in this super crowded store where I always see someone I know while I ride in one of those stupid wheelchairs with the giant orange flags? No thank you! "I'll be fine, just maybe a little slow," I told him, pretty sure that I was convincing him that I was super strong.

About two minutes later, when I realized that my legs had stopped working altogether, I realized that I would have to actually admit to Bill that I wasn't that interested in the hello kitty airplane I had stopped next to and that I needed some help. "Um, Bill? I think I need a wheelchair..."

At least we parked in the shade...

We finished our shopping trip, making a big spectacle of ourselves with four kids, a cart, and a flagged wheelchair. We only saw one family that we know. We paid, and then Bill took three of the kids and the stuff out to the car. Avery and I made our way over to the entrance to return the wheelchair. 

The guy who checks the cards as people come in asked, "Do you need help getting out to your car?" 

Another employee came up at the same time and chimed in, "It really is no problem to take you out to your car." 

I smiled. "My husband will pull the car up and pick me up."

"We can get you right to your car door if you want," guy number two said.

"I will be just fine," I said, as I slowly got up. I turned around and walked away. I realized, when each step only got me an inch or two farther away from them...at an excruciatingly slow pace, how stupid I must have looked in saying that I didn't need help when it was painfully obvious that I was not competent in the art of walking. Eventually, Bill picked us up, and we drove away.

"I forgot! We need to get some things for Carter's Halloween costume. Can we just stop at Joann's?" I asked.

"They don't have wheelchairs there," Bill reminded me.

"Oh, right. Can you just go in there and get the things I need?"

"Hey, Mel, can you grab my wallet?" 

"Sure," I answered. "What do you need me to get?"

"Can you just pull out my man card? I don't think I deserve to have it anymore after shopping in a fabric store..."

One more store later, one Cafe Rio run, and two hours later, we made it home. It was a long time to sit in the car with Preston. I think I deserve some chocolate cake. Bill probably deserves some cheesecake or apple fritters after doing all that shopping. It's kind of weird that he likes apple fritters more than chocolate cake. 

What would you do with a million dollars?

Apparently, I am not teaching my daughter the financial or survival skills that she needs.

Homework question: What would you do with a million dollars?

Avery's answer: I would buy nine lions, seven tigers and three wolfs and a car and a house.

What would you do? Hopefully something not involving big cats, which have been my recurring nightmares since I was about four.

My answer would be boring, like pay off our house, put the rest in savings, except a little for remodeling some of our house to make it more accommodating for when I have health problems and buying a new mattress. I would probably go on a family vacation as well.

Christmas Butter Makes a Comeback

I wish I had been smart enough to get a video of Avery as her sedative started to take effect yesterday at the dentist. She was curled up on a love sac watching "The Little Mermaid" until she was out enough for them to work in her. "Mom, I need you to turn the light on in here. I can't see the colors on the TV. Where did all the colors go? I can't see the colors anymore. They went away." All said with that loopy sounding voice that would have made it a really funny video.

I am used to hearing my kids say I am mean. I am not used to overhearing my kids talk about me. I heard Preston say, "Mama makes the best milkshakes in the whole world!" (He was anticipating the milkshakes I would make since Avery couldn't eat anything hard or crunchy, and he knew he would probably get one as well.)

Yesterday, Sadie surprised me. I said, "One, two, three." She spoke up, "Bour, Bive, Sis, Seben, Eight, Nine." I had no idea she knew how to count at all. She had not even counted to three before.

This morning before her nap, I asked Sadie what song she wanted me to sing to her. She changes her mind all the time, but today she asked for a song I had never sung to her at all. "I want 'Christmas Butter,'" she said. I have no idea how to put a link to an old blog that talks about "Christmas Butter," but it is a song Carter made up when he was almost three. Anyway, I told Carter about it after he got home, and he smiled his sneaky smile. Some of you have seen that smile. Apparently, he had been teaching her that song and trying to get her to sing it for a while. 

Preston did his math homework earlier this evening. I wondered what was taking him so long, but later Bill told me that he was doing each problem at least three different ways because he thought it was fun. What a weirdo.

Bill has a beard. He didn't shave for a week when we went to Tennessee because he forgot a razor. It is equal parts dark brown and gray. I can't believe how full and long it is after maybe ten days now. 

Harry Botter and Monster Cheese

Sadie's favorite thing to say (other than "I don't wike it.") is "do it adain!" She says it any time anyone does anything she likes. It is super cute, even if I get sick of doing things over and over. It might just be so cute because she has about the cutest little kid voice ever. (I probably have thought that about all my kids, and I am probably prejudiced.)

The cutest thing she says is "Here-y Botter." She says it several times in a row every time someone puts on these round yellow glasses. She doesn't know who Harry Potter is, but she heard her cousin said that they were Harry Potter glasses, and she has heard Preston talking about the books lately.

I started to make Sadie a sandwich for lunch today. Keep in mind that she is only twenty-one months old, and you will understand why it was so funny that she asked me for "monster cheese" after I put the turkey on. She remembered that I said I was giving her muenster cheese yesterday when I made her a sandwich. Apparently, she likes it better than the usual colby jack cheese because she actually ate all of it both days instead of her usual two bites.

I overheard Avery talking about bonbons a minute ago. I asked her if she knew what they were. She answered, "Sure I do. They're chocolate balls that you just shove in your mouth all in one bite." I have never actually eaten a bonbon, but I think she's right.

Sadie was my earliest talker. Her first word was at eight months, and she said two word sentences around eleven months. So, I kind of assumed she would be my smartest kid. But she still has no understanding of the concept of colors or letters, other than knowing that there are letters. Carter already knew his uppercase alphabet by the time he was Sadie's age, Preston knew all the letters before his second birthday, and she doesn't even know one letter. I know she is still really young, so I'm not worried or anything, but it is a little surprising that she is so far behind the boys. (Avery was almost three before she knew them.) She does understand one concept way really well. She understands the importance of chocolate. It is usually one of the first things she asks me for every day. And I never thought I would have a kid who didn't like chocolate, but Carter really doesn't like it that much. So maybe she is smarter than he is...

Carter and Preston haven't been funny very much lately, at least not innocently like they used to. They keep trying hard to be funny, but the harder they try to be funny, the less funny they actually are. That is also true with most adults. 

My kids want to have a theme for their Halloween costumes. What can you recommend for two older boys (not that old), a bigger girl, and one toddler girl? Previous themes have been Super Mario Bros, Paranormal Red Riding Hood characters, transformers, typical Halloween monsters, animals, and superheroes. Give me your ideas, if you have any for me. 

Weird Day

Today was a weird day.

1. I got my first handicapped parking permit. Or whatever it's called. It was really easy, but the lady laughed when I came up to her counter. I don't know why. Maybe because she thought I didn't really need one? Also, we went to the wrong building first, and Bill parked really far away. Ironic?

2. I just found out that my friend had a gun go off and shoot her in the leg. I am worried about her.

3. I was stupid and went to Costco when I was really hungry. I came home with lots of chocolate and pastries and candy. I don't know why Bill didn't stop me from putting all that junk in the cart. I am going to be fatter this time next week. Probably this time tomorrow.

4. Sadie threw three separate tantrums where she yelled, "I don't wike it!" over and over, for about twenty minutes.

5. I have been looking up things to do when we go to Tennessee in a few weeks. It is surprising how expensive everything is in a state that I always think of as backwoods or hillbilly. 

6. Really cool people were born in Tennessee. Chattanooga, baby!

7. We got Sadie a new coat today at Costco. She will not take it off. One of those tantrums mentioned earlier was because Bill took the coat off so she could eat lunch. And it is really warm today.

8. Avery and Sadie played hide and seek. They just took turns hiding in the coat closet. 

9. As I was typing number eight, Bill brought me the huge tin of Belgian chocolate cookies because he had to take it away from Sadie, who had climbed onto the counter and was helping herself to my chocolates. What a punk.

Scary Bubbles

Sometimes, when I come home really late at night, I look out at the dark field next to our house and feel a little bit of fear, thinking of what kinds of wild animals could be out there. I am usually imagining a cougar or something similar. I usually try to hurry inside quickly before I freak myself out too much. I just never thought that the thing I should actually fear would be a bird trying to attack me as I try (unsuccessfully) with my fumbling numb hands to put that stupid key in the lock so I can get inside. I might have a new phobia now. That bird diving at me over and over really freaked me out.

Sadie had her first bubble bath tonight. She kept saying, "Bubbles everywhere!" Then, "The bubbles skeered me," as she pretended to be scared.

Preston made some Harry Potter trading cards this afternoon. He took it very seriously, trying to look up online each character's favorite defensive spell to include on the cards. He was very disappointed that he couldn't find that information online. He also expected me to remember all the spells from the books and how to spell them and exactly what they did. 

Me: Sadie, do you know who loves you?

Sadie: Mommy does. And Hedder.

Me: Who else loves you?

Sadie: Carter does. And Avery. And Preston. And Daddy does. And Wizzie. Everyone wuvs Sadie. A hug, Mommy? Mmmmm. 

Sadie brought me "The Monster at the End of The Book" to read to her today, that book with Grover from Sesame Street. I read about two pages before she said, "No, I don't wike it. The monster skeered me. Don't read it, Mommy." Then she threw it on the floor and asked for a hug.

When I sing to Sadie, sometimes she sings a word or two along with me. So, it really surprised me today to hear her sing six or seven songs pretty much from beginning to end and on key enough that I could clearly tell what songs she was singing. As she finished up singing, "Five Little Ducks," she said, "The mama duck skeered me. She said quack quack quack." Then she pretended to be scared again. How does she even understand to be scared? She's only twenty-one months old!

Random Afternoon Thoughts

I was so happy about the weight I had started losing after my surgery over a month ago. Then I started on this medication, and I have gained almost all of it back. In my face and neck. I have been informed that it's normal and temporary, but I kind of look freaky, if I do say so myself.

Sadie goes around all day lately saying, "I don't like it" or "I don't want it" as she waves us off. It would be cute, but it's about EVERYTHING! At least she has a personality and opinions...

I was so excited about the kindle book I just bought. It was by an author that was actually really good, and it was only a dollar. A little less excited when I finished it less than half an hour later. If I would have paid attention, I would have seen that it was just a short novella. Now I need another book for the afternoon. I have stacks of books sitting on my shelf right in front of me, just waiting to be read, but it is too hard to turn actual pages when I can't feel my fingers. So, I've been reading on the ipad or kindle instead. I guess all the money I am saving on gas and shopping while I am out of commission makes up for all the money I am spending on books. Right?

Preston came into our room around two in the morning. I asked what he needed, and he said, "I just can't sleep." So, Bill put him back in his bed. I don't know what an almost nine year old kid expects his parents to do to help him. I think I would have gotten in trouble for waking my parents up like that when I was that old. He does this about every other week. 

Avery brought Sadie up to me yesterday. They had been playing downstairs, and a bug had crawled past them. For almost half an hour, Sadie kept saying, "Da bug skeered me. It was a skeery bug." Then she would shiver. How does a one-year-old know to be scared of bugs like that?

Every once in a while, when Sadie is playing with toys, she will stop, look at me, and say, "Ivy's a baby. Ivy's cute." Ivy is her little baby cousin. She probably says this to me about five to ten times a day, for no apparent reason.

Ivy does happen to be about the cutest baby I have ever seen. No exaggeration needed. 

My sister is awesome. She came over last Saturday and helped us around the house and garden for hours. Then, she watched Sadie all day Tuesday. Sadie talked all evening after she came home about "Wizzie and Ty-wer and Aunt Wara." 

Stupid Stuff, Lost Shoes, and Prancersizing

Maybe about six months ago, I bought a whole bunch of cute shoes for Sadie and a few for Avery. I was so excited for these little red Mary Jane's, but they disappeared with the boxes. We thought Bill threw them away. Now that they are way too little for her, we found them. In a coat I NEVER wear, in the pockets. I promise I didn't put them there. And now, anytime we find something in a weird place, Bill reminds me that it's never as weird as remotes in the shop vac hose.

Sadie has weird hair these days.

Carter's cello now has all four strings. We'll see how long before another one breaks. 

Stacy's Pita Crisps are way better than pita chips. They are thinner, more like tortilla chips, but without the corn that I can't have. And because of those crisps, I ate almost a whole jar of salsa in the last two days. It was homemade, so it's kind of healthy.

Bacon Alfredo sauce is not very good. Don't buy it. It is not at all healthy. And it leaves a gross aftertaste.

I need to find something to do to help others. Lots of people have been helping me the last few weeks, or at least offering to help me even if it didn't work out, and I really needed it. I was just thinking about how much better I feel when I am helping someone else. So who needs my help? I am not good with my hands, so pick something else for me to do... I'll share your cinnamon roll if it is too big for you to eat. I'm good at that.

Bill is helping to coach a team of ten kids for a lego robotics challenge. The organization sent tickets for the kids to get into the Natural History Museum in Salt Lake City to see the exhibit on natural disasters, which is the theme for this year. We are going tomorrow, and the kids are really excited. I hope four adults can keep up with the eleven kids we will have there. One of them will be Sadie. She is not on the team, unless you count her as the natural disaster. 

I really need to start working out. Maybe I will prancersize. It would look cool if I did it with my ankle weights. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can look it up on youtube. I saw the video months ago, but I still feel amazement when I think of how awesome her workout looks. 

Drooling and Washing My Hair

My husband is awesome. He made fresh salsa, carnitas, and raspberry jam today. The produce was from our garden. The pork came from Costco. He made guacamole, too. The avocados were not from our tree. It is not even a foot tall yet.

Sadie loves guacamole. So does Avery. I am envious that they get to eat it. I almost drooled looking at it.

People are nice to me at church. Not one person commented on my perpetual drool because of my numb mouth. Who knew that drooling would be a bonus side effect of MS? At least I could walk today...

My kids all cried or yelled most of dinner. Then they went downstairs and dressed up like characters from Super Mario Brothers, the cartoon, and acted it out. I missed out on the acting, but at least I got to see the fighting right before, so that was another bonus for today.

Preston is supposed to bring a small artifact to school to highlight his interests or talents. He wants to bring either his giant stuffed puppy or Sadie. 

Sadie waved to the cute baby behind us at church for almost ten minutes. I don't think the baby ever saw her.

And a slightly embarrassing conversation that I had:

Me: Hi, Miranda. I was wondering if you could help me out this evening. I have to wash my hair, but I can't get my PICC line or the bandage wet, so I was wondering if you could possibly help me wash my hair. Bill is just not very good at washing long hair.

Miranda's Eleven Year Old Son: You do know this is Tanner, right?

Me: Ummm, can I talk to your mom?

Later, I got a text, "Tanner is ready to wash your hair now."

Eyelash Extensions

Avery: I whap people who tickle me.

Me: What?

Avery: Oh, it's just something I started doing...

Interesting Facts of the Day:

Ten minutes of a twenty-month-old playing the harmonica feels like two hours.

The nurse stabbed me fours times yesterday, and she still couldn't get the IV line in. I am really not looking forward to having a little tube thing put in so I can get my medication. I wish it was just a pill I could swallow.

My nurse has eyelash extensions. They are so long, and I can't look away when she is here. Apparently, I have terrible manners sometimes. Also, Avery will never need eyelash extensions. Or mascara. It's ridiculous.

Carter broke his cello string this morning. We have only had the cello a few weeks. He was really embarrassed to have to take it to class today with a string missing.

Sadie is going around the house with keys, trying to lock and unlock all the doors. Right now, she is using Bill's keys. Sometimes she uses her little plastic keys. Also, if she ever finds something little like a toothpick, she tries to stick it into my bedroom door.

Carter talked to me for over an hour straight after he got home about how much fun he had with my parents at Disneyland and Sea World. Now I know exactly how much the souvineers cost and why he decided to get each thing for each of his siblings and which rides were best and how he thinks he saved my mom's life. (He ran to get my dad and woke him up to help her when she was choking.)

Preston has gotten into the Harry Potter books finally. He can't stop talking about them and asking questions about every little thing. I can barely remember most of the little details. He also reads faster than Carter does.

Avery went on a field trip yesterday. She saw them feeding goldfish to the bigger fish. I am grossed out still, and I wasn't even there.

Sadie yells, "Help me! Help me!" to strangers when she is in a shopping cart and wants down. It probably looks like we kidnapped her. She also says "help" kind of with a southern accent. I like to think she takes after me since that was my first accent when I learned to talk. 

Job Descriptions

My paying jobs before I had kids, in order of appearance (appearance of the jobs, not the kids):

1. Yard work 

2. House work

3. Babysitting

4. Piano Teacher

5. Shelving and Organizing Books

6. Delivering Papers

7. Folding and Hanging Clothes, Helping Customers Find Clothes that Fit Them and Putting Outfits Together, Occasional Personal Shopper

8. Stocking Shelves with Food and Toiletries

9. Handing out Candy

10. Gardening Help

11. Handing out and Grading Tests

12. Waitress

13. Taking Care of Special Needs Kids During the Summer

14. Janitor

15: Paper Folder

16: Answering Phones, Calling People about Accounts

Now, I do all that and much more, nobody pays me, and my kids try to undo all of my work, usually before I am even finished with it. And nobody appreciates me except when I am doing number nine. 

Silly Sadie

Funny morning cuddle time today:

Me: Do you want to have an awesome day?

Sadie: No, I tooted.

Me: What are you doing?

Sadie: I hiding.

Me: What would you like?

Sadie: Candy!

Sadie: I wuv ooh. (Then came blowing kisses and trying to kiss my face.)

Me: (Yawn)

Sadie: Bess ooh, Mommy.

Sadie: I need some chockit! Mmmmm. Chockit yummy.

This was really almost two weeks ago, but I forgot to post it to my blog. Today, she just climbed onto my bed, laid her head on my lap, and made me sing, "Jesus Said Love Everyone" to her about twenty or thirty times in a row. I tried to stop a few times, but she would start yelling at me and hit me until I started singing again. She said it was her "favite song", but she had probably only heard it once before. 

The Melissa Sue Fan Club

When I started writing my blog several years ago, I began by trying to find a name for it that wasn't already taken. I probably tried thirty before I settled on the current name. I usually forget how that name came to be, but here is the story.

When I was eighteen years old, I was bored one afternoon. I had graduated high school a semester early and moved with my family to another state. I had moved so much when I was growing up that it really didn't seem like a big deal. I actually kind of liked moving because it meant that I would get to meet new people and make new friends. I had tried working delivering newspapers, but my sister who helped me kept throwing up because we were getting up so early, and I really needed a helper or I couldn't get our rural route delivered in time each morning. So, I quit the paper route and got a job at a department store. It was fun because there were cute clothes, and I got a big employee discount, so I knew I would have cuter clothes for college, as well as enough money that I barely had to flirt my way to a free meal once a week. I didn't work full time, so I had lots of time off to do stupid things. Like writing a full-page-essay-format-test-question-with-silly-nonsense-vocabulary-words-to-be-included-in-each-answer-application. It was an application to be a member of the Melissa Sue Fan Club. 

My friends, Mindy and Tyler, were the first to fill out the applications. They thought it was funny, and they told a few of our other friends, who asked for an application of their own. Everybody started assigning themselves jobs in my fan club. When I got to college, my fan club grew. I had at least a couple hundred members and even more honorary members who never got an application. I now had a CFO, President, Vice-President, Chef (who never actually cooked me anything), and lots more. I even had a stunt double, but she must not have been doing her job very well because I have had lots of injuries from performing my own stunts. And my makeup artist slacked off, and it's a pity because I never had a good foundation in cosmetics. (That one was for my mom. You're welcome.) 

I was surprised that so many people wanted to be a member of my fan club, which meant a) they wanted to be my friend, b) they seemed to like my weird sense of humor, and/or c) they wanted to belong to something, even if they thought I was weird. Or maybe d) they wanted to write the funniest answers to my absurd questions and make everyone else laugh when we occasionally would read all the answers together late at night while eating ice cream from the Creamery. Yum.

I wish I still had copies of those applications. I would let you all fill one out if you haven't already. Then I would laugh and maybe shake my head at how weird I was then and how mature I am now. So mature that I won't even take a video of my snoring husband and post it in youtube. 

(Search "snoring husband with shaving cream on his face" when you are in youtube next.)

It won't be Bill, but there might be something funny. 

Does anyone still have an application?

Throwing Chickens

Overheard in the last few minutes from one kid in the large posse of boys downstairs:

I could throw chickens at you all day long. All. Day. Long.

At least I don't wear underwear under my clothes....

I'm just gonna punch you in the face and see what happens.

I want to get ripped.

From one of the other boys: Gross! You stink!

From the same kid who said all the other stuff: At least I did it like a man.

My boys have interesting friends. He said funny stuff for so long that I just started typing the stuff as I heard it for a minute or two. I should have started earlier for a larger quantity of his stuff, and I would have had more if Sadie hadn't started climbing on me and stuffing bread in my mouth and giggling. He also randomly breaks into song.

What is the last thing you would expect to pull out of your kid's pockets when you are doing laundry? I think a roast beef sandwich from Arby's would be way up there on that list. Especially when I have never bought that kid a roast beef sandwich from Arby's. And it wasn't even in a wrapper!

He got it at a day camp he went to today. So glad it was from TODAY and last Thursday's camp!

Are there things you always wanted to do? I have had two main dreams. I always wanted to be in an improvisational comedy group. I have been watching Studio C with my kids lately, so it's on my mind. I don't know if I would have been any good at it, and it's a little late for that now. The other dream is to write books. I am working on that, but I think I'm on the ten to twenty year plan. What did you want to do that you never got to do?

Justin Bieber and Ponytails

The kids were talking about a day camp they went to the other day.

Preston: Some of the girls there actually like Justin Bieber. For real.

Avery: Yeah, that's because people are different.

Preston: But they LIKE him!

Avery: People just like different things.

We got up kind of late this morning, and I was trying to get the bigger kids ready to go. Sadie and I had this conversation.

Sadie: Ponytail. Mommy needs a ponytail.

Me: Yes. Sadie, did you eat breakfast?

Sadie: Yah!

Me: I didn't get you anything yet.

Sadie: Pessy did it. Had see-we-oh! (Preston and cereal) Need a ponytail.

I know it's not an amazing conversation, but it seemed kind of funny for my nineteen month old kid to actually have a useful conversation with me. Plus, it's kind of sad that she already knows when my hair looks that crazy that it's going up in a ponytail.

And now, she's going around the house saying, "Puppy! Puppy! Where's the puppy?"

We went to Target last night. While we were checking out, Sadie ripped a magazine, so we felt like we had to buy it. The cover said, "New Ways To Wear Jeans!" Bill thought maybe it would be a new thing to wear them on your arms. Nope. Just the regular way. Stupid false advertising. 

Sleepwalking and Dancing

I don't know if he was sleepwalking or if he thought it was morning when he came into my room just a minute ago, but the look on Preston's face when he realized it was the middle of the night was so funny. And now I am wide awake!

Avery is so proud of her new talent. She has been practicing every day lately. She can play Yankee Doodle on the piano with her toes. She was especially proud when she could even do it while wearing her pajamas with feet!

Sadie's favorite food is "pips." She'll eat any kind, potato chips, tortilla chips with salsa, whatever she can get her hands on. And she can get her hands on a remarkable number of food items. I think she is one of those kids who could survive on the street if she had to. She scrounges up food from the pantry, the table and counter, the floor. She finds hidden chocolate stashes, treats from my purse, and frozen chicken from the freezer. She has serious talents. She brings me pasta when I am in bed and asks to have it for breakfast. And she starts off each morning by saying, "Wants bekfist? Meee!" And she raises her hand when she answers "me" to her own question. Sometimes she changes it up and says, "wants nandy? meee!"

Besides her passion for food, Sadie also loves sound effects. She makes them when she plays. She asks me to make them. She asks me to do something to her by the sound effect I made the last time I did that thing. It's hard to always remember that the last time I spun her around, I said "bzzzzz." Or that the last time I fed her, the spoon made a "hee haw" sound as it made its way into her mouth. I've got "whoa!" down, which is her up on my legs while I am lying on my back and tipping from side to side like she is about to fall over. And I can remember that I have to say, "bubbabubbaba," when she is sitting on my lap facing me and I move her arms back and forth really fast. I cannot remember what sounds I made at our last dance party, so she is just going to have to be happy with whatever made up raps and beat boxing comes out of my mouth to go along with my awkward mom dancing. I think my friends from my dancing days will know what I'm talking about. Sadly, it's kind of hard to forget. Or people wouldn't still be bringing it up every once in a while ten to twenty years later.

Getting Rid of Hiccups

Carter: How do you get rid of the hiccups?

Preston: What! How do you get rid of a cyclops?

Carter: No, I already know how to get rid of a cyclops, but I don't know how to get rid of hiccups. If you don't believe me, then just read the book I wrote called "Carter and the Cyclops."

Things Sadie has said over the last few days:

"It's a widow peep! Widow peep!" She said this as she carried a little lamb puppet around and kept trying to show people how she could put her hand in it, which was not very well at all.

"Show Daddy. Need to show Daddy pincess shoes!" She said, as she hobbled with one Cinderella shoe on.

"Hit! Hit Mommy!" She said this as she took a big running start at me because I said no about having more sour patch kids. 

"Moo. Moo. 'S a tow. A tow. Moo." She said this many times on our nine hour drive today, but never when there were actually any cows, just when she wanted to see some.

"Header, Wooby, Ifee's house. Go Ifee's house. Wooby's house." Too bad we were driving the wrong way as she kept saying she wanted to see Ruby and Ivy and Aunt Heather again.

Drink Kutztown Soda!

The last few weeks, Avery will say something like, "Maj winna boolah ameninana. That means I'm hungry." Or "Inca doo madina woo. That means I want to use the ipad." "What language are you speaking, Avery?" I ask. Her answer, "Oh, I am just speaking in language seventeen."

I wish UPS and FedEx had a special knock. Then I could just keep lying on the couch with my eyes closed when I have a migraine instead of going to the door thinking it is somebody cool when it is really just a dishwasher part. Or, if I am getting new clothes, I could run to the door like my kids do whenever they hear the door. I just want to know who it is. I guess I'll have to get a door camera. Because my house is so big that going all the way to the door is a hassle...

I called at 9:10 this morning to see if there were any appointments available for Avery to get her awful cough checked out. "Sure," the impossibly cute receptionist answered. "Can you come at 9:30?" I think I said, "Ummmm" or maybe "Aaaggghhh! I haven't even gotten out of bed, and my kids are all in pajamas, and we haven't eaten breakfast, and I have to BE THERE in twenty minutes!" Fine. I really said, "That sounds great," like it was no big deal. But I thought the other things. 

We were only one minute late.

Avery has croup and asthmatic symptoms, so we have to postpone our visit to my sister a day or two so she doesn't share anything with the new baby. 

Kutztown soda is really good. It's probably bad for me to find soda I am not allergic to when I weighed in at an all time non-pregnancy weight high today. But it is soooo good! And it has no corn syrup.

Camping Outfit

I forgot earlier the whole reason I started to write a post. No, it wasn't about Sadie going all the way into my bathroom, grabbing my glasses, and taking them into the kitchen to throw them away. My nearly $500 glasses. Luckily, my husband caught her just in time and dug them out of the trash. And no, it wasn't to complain about how many times a day I have to flush the toilets in the kids' bathrooms, even though they are six, eight, and ten years old. At least four times a day, sometimes much more, if you were wondering. And I wasn't going to write about Sadie and her young cousins finding so much joy in playing with the bath toys... in the toilet. Gross. I wasn't going to tell you about Avery writing her love songs and trying to sing them while playing the guitar. She doesn't know how to play the guitar. Or sing. At least not on pitch. But man, can she write a mean love song! Disney should hire her for all their teen singing sensation shows. It's probably where she gets her inspiration. No, I was going to tell you about being chubby.

We went camping last weekend. It was really cold in the mornings and at night, so I had on about six layers of shirts and sweatshirts and jackets. I looked a bit on the round side, and my outer jacket was red. Preston looked at me when I came out of the tent and said, "Well, helloooo Santa!"

Beef Jerky

Carter: Can we sell our wii and get a wii U?

Me: Nobody would buy it.

Preston: (very indignantly) Who? Who wouldn't buy it?

Me: Um...

Things Sadie did today all within just a few minutes:

Dumped over two cups of water, one of them onto herself.

Stole marshmallows.

Stole rice and tried to bite through the package.

Ate Carter's cereal, tried to dump it over.

Asked for "dirdee, a piece of bee dirdee?"  And handed me the bag she stole from the pantry. (Beef jerky)

Dumped my purse out.

Dumped her cereal out onto the floor.

Tried to dump a box of cereal out, but I sent an older kid to the rescue just in time.

Bit the outside of a grapefruit.

Dumped a bin of clothes out and tried to put everything into her dresser even though they were the wrong size clothes.

Threw plates into the air over and over.

Threw a cup into the air over and over.

Put pasta on the carpet, pasta with bright red sauce.

Threw a fit about marshmallows.

Unloaded the dishwasher, the dirty dishwasher.

Thank goodness she still takes naps. I need a break from all her business. 

Fathers' Day was Today?

Sadie got to go to Nursery at church today. She loved it when my friend started blowing bubbles. One landed on her mouth, and she told me, "Bubble kiss ma mouf!" Then she kept saying, "Bubble kiss mouf," over and over and touching her lips. 

I had some black beans on my plate after dinner. I was so confused when Avery came and sat by me eating a handful of black beans. Then I realized they were chocolate covered raisins. She couldn't stop laughing about my confusion.

It's a sad day when your eight-year-old grows out of the size 2T/3T belt. That day was today. It's been a few months since we took the underwear that size out of his drawer. It still fit him then. He was wearing some shorts last week that seemed way too short but fit him just fine around the waist. I looked, and they were 4T. And he has the biggest head in the family. Cute little bobble head dude.

My six-year-old is the opposite. She had a shirt on today that kept showing her belly. It is size 10. They are less than an inch apart in height. Preston is very offended when anyone suggests that they might look like they could be twins.

I took all the kids to church by myself while Bill waited a couple of hours to be seen for his terrible sinus infection. I think my kids are the worst behaved kids there. And poor Bill. He didn't get the best Fathers' Day today. The thing I ordered him isn't even here yet, and he cooked his own dinner.

Bill is a softie when it comes to Sadie. Somehow the kids talked him into getting a giant stuffed dog because she liked it so much. And he gives her a bottle at bedtime because she likes it better than a sippy cup. And it's cute because she still cuddles with things while she drinks bottles. This bottle that she is drinking right now is taking her forever, and she has cuddled with a belt, clean laundry, a hard musical instrument, and a Kleenex. 

Carter at Eight and Ten

Me: Carter, have you brushed your teeth yet?

Carter: No, but I've almost done it.

Carter: Daddy said I got a zit.

Me: Yep.

Carter: It really hurts. It must be really hard for you having so many all over your face lots of the time.

I was just looking over a report from some testing Carter had in second grade. Here is an excerpt that made me laugh. "Carter reported that he sometimes thinks about other things than what is being taught in class. When asked to describe this, Carter replied, "Sometimes I'm bored, and I have to figure out what to draw, like make a plan to figure out what to draw." This is consistent with parent and teacher reports that Carter sometimes draws on his schoolwork rather than completing it."

Another funny excerpt. "Carter told the examiner that she should consider getting a piece of paper with a red circle on it, so that people taking tests can just touch the red circle when they do not have an answer for the item. Carter reported that this would be nice for test-takers to have, as he "feels weird" telling the examiner "I don't know" for an item. This insightful comment shows emotional maturity and awareness that is impressive for an 8 year old." 

I guess it was mature that he was feeling bad that I must be in pain from my acne, but I never want to be reminded of it. Then I start thinking that is all people see when they look at me. Hey, I have lots of wrinkles, too! Comment on that instead. I have worked hard for those. And my six or seven gray hairs. And the tummy that hangs just a bit over my tighter pants. It is hard work eating all those pastries and chocolates. Recognize me for all that work instead of a gift I never worked for or asked for! 

I have to go to bed, and I have already almost brushed my teeth. 

Fun in Paris

When I washed off my makeup tonight, I had no mascara left to wash off. Here is why.

1. We were on a train this afternoon when a girl suddenly jumped up, threw her phone, and screamed. So I jumped up, too. There was a huge bug crawling on her. My brother killed it for her. It is still funny when people freak out in French, even if I don't know what they are saying. My sister-in-law could not stop laughing, which usually makes me laugh more, even if I had previously thought I was finished with the laughter. Plus, when the bug crunched loudly, the girl's eyes rolled around, and she looked like she was going to puke. Even funnier. Plus, I realized after the bug was dead that I was still standing up. On my seat.

2. My mom couldn't find her train ticket later when we were getting off at a different station. The door would not open without a ticket, so my dad opened a door going back in, wanting her to come through that way. She didn't understand quickly enough what he wanted her to do, so by the time she came through, the doors smashed her. So she stepped back. Then the doors opened back up, and she just stood there for a minute while they were opened, looking totally confused. She finally decided to go back through, but she was too slow, so she got smashed again. 

3. On the train, my brother and I simultaneously burst into laughter. It is fun when there is someone who laughs, and I know exactly what absurd thing he is laughing at without having to talk about it. Even if it is just my mom chewing her gum really weird for a second. Too bad I only get to hang out with him about once a year. And that I have to come all the way to Europe to do it. 

4. We were having a family prayer tonight. It started out so well. Then, my brother said, "Please bless us to have good health. And please bless.... our feet..." Well, if you know him, you know that he laughs at inappropriate times, when he is performing in public, during prayers, during serious moments, etc. and once he starts the laugh that he is trying so hard to stop, nobody else can stop either. Except my dad. I only remember him laughing about something like that a couple of times. Anyway, he and his wife and my mom and I did not have a very reverent prayer. And I hope we still get blessed to have our feet stop hurting. Because we are going to have a rough time at Disneyland Paris if they don't get better!

You wouldn't have mascara left on either. 

My Girls

Sadie's cry in her sleep just sounded like a peacock. My sister-in-law would be scared. You know who you are.

I asked Sadie if she tooted. She answered, "No. Daddy's pooped." 

Me: Sadie, did you have a good nap?

Sadie: Elbow. 

She is blaming people for her stinky smells and making no sense. She is obviously going to take after Carter.

I started watching Granite Flats with Avery. The other day, there was a nerdy guy who was flirting with a girl in the show. Avery said, "I think he's trying to get her to like him. I don't think she will do it, even in the end." I asked why not. "Because he's too weird." Then today, she said, "Now there are two guys who like that girl." I asked how she could tell. "Because he's looking at her like she is pretty."

I think she is pretty observant for a six-year-old!

Another observation she made about the show: It's so weird that the show always ends right at the best part, and it just makes it so I can't wait to start the next one! 

That's how they always hook you...

I hope Bill looks at me like I am pretty.

Elbow.

Mother's Day

Reasons why I totally deserved what I got on Mother's Day, which was fighting kids and being late to church:

1. I just did Avery's half birthday celebration at school, three months late.

2. For her birthday at school, she got a no homework pass, which I realized was useless because she hardly ever does her homework in the first place.

3. I swore at Carter during his haircut tonight.

4. I forgot to feed Sadie lunch and grabbed a handful of snacks when we had to go somewhere today.

5. I made Avery cry. Lots of times. 

6. Some of those times I then yelled at her for crying. 

7. I didn't blink when Sadie ate food she found under the table on the floor I hadn't slept for over a day.

Well, I probably blinked because I blink a lot because of my contacts.

8. It has been six weeks since I gave any of my kids a piano lesson, nine since I gave Avery one.

9. I never made Bill a birthday cake, and his birthday was three weeks ago. What kind of mom doesn't teach her kids that daddy's birthday is important?

10. My kids had to get school clothes out of the dirty clothes because I am about ten loads of laundry behind where I should be to keep my kids from going naked.

11. I didn't call my mom for Mother's Day until today because I didn't pay attention to the time, and it is two hours later where she lives.

12. I still feel like swearing twenty minutes after Carter's haircut. And the clippers are still on the counter with hair all over them, and I am waiting for Bill to notice and put them away.

Bill did make me cinnamon roll pancakes, even if he had to break the Sabbath because he didn't know we were out of eggs more than two-thirds of the way into cooking. 

I guess you have to break a few Sabbaths to get some eggs.

I realize that wasn't really funny. It really is a special day. Don't go buy eggs on Sunday. Unless you are making me a treat. 

See Ducks?

A typical conversation with Carter ends with Bill or me telling him that his questions don't make sense or that we can't quantify things the way he thinks we can.

Bill: Carter, you will love this book.
Carter: How much will I love it?
Bill: A lot.
Carter: But HOW much?
Bill: Um...

Me: You need to take a shower. You stink.
Carter: How stinky am I?
Me: Very stinky.
Carter: But HOW stinky?
Me: Um...

I wish I had kept track of his questions over the last few days, but he does it so often, they don't stick with me anymore.

I spent the day at the dentist with the kids. Preston has a cavity, Avery has a crooked tooth and might have to have a baby tooth pulled, and Carter has a tooth that is dissolving before the root is dissolving. And Sadie just went crazy there, especially the second hour when she should have been waking up from a two-hour nap that she completely missed.

Avery found the scrapbook my mom made for me when I was little. These are her comments.

"You were cute." (It's a matter of opinion.)
"You were chubby." (I really was.)
"You could draw really good." (I really couldn't.)
"Aunt Heather was a cute baby." (She really was.)
"You had a lot of certificates." (She was awed, even though they weren't all for important things.)
"You got a lot of A's on your report cards. And you got a B in conduct!" (The teachers' comments were always about how I talked too much no matter who they had me sitting by.)
"Your hair looks crazy in a lot of pictures." (It really did. Neither my mom or I knew how to do hair. No offense, Mom.)
"Your glasses when you were little were huge! Why didn't you get cute glasses like I did?" (Neither my mom or I knew how to pick out cute glasses. Again, no offense, Mom.)

When I got home from taking the kids to school one morning, Sadie was staring out in the field next to our house as I got her out of the car. I asked her what she was looking at, and she said, "Duck. Quack quack." There were no ducks, but there were some pheasants. She watched them until they were out of sight. Now, every morning, she asks, "Ducks, mommy? See ducks?"

Sick Sadie

Sadie is sick today with a super high fever. She keeps crying, and she mostly just wants me to hold her. She keeps saying, with a sob, "I need Daddy!"

She sat with me and watched a movie, Treasure Buddies. She loved it the whole time. She kept getting excited and talking about the puppies and the monkey. But one part made her cry. When the camel spit all over the bad guy's face. She was so upset about it!

And now she is screaming in her crib. Short nap.

Zombies and Family Night

Bill had Sadie up on his shoulders. He took her over to a mirror so she could see herself up high. Then he put her down, and she said, "Uh! uh! I wanna be a hat! I be a hat!" I guess she liked being Bill's hat...

Carter: Do you think you would survive running a 5K?
Kade: How long is that, anyway?
Carter: About three miles.
Kade: Then I could do it for sure! The name of my school is Three Mile Creek, you know.

I overheard the kids on the way to school one morning:
It's a zombie cricket. Its name is Justin Creeper. It's one of the walking dead bugs, and it sings, "Brains, Brains, Brains, OH!"

I have no idea if they made it up or saw it on some show.

Preston sobbed and sobbed because he did not need glasses yet. He was super jealous of Avery, who did have to get glasses. She asked me every day, probably ten times a day, since her appointment, if her glasses had come yet. She looks just like Carter now.

The neighbor kids kept coming to our door this evening. We kept saying that we were having family night and that our kids couldn't play anymore. One time, I heard this conversation:

Preston: We can't play anymore. We are about to have family night. Why don't you go have family night at your house?
Kid: We NEVER have family night. I don't even know what to do for family night.
Preston: You could play games or other fun stuff together. Or you could talk about stuff. It's really fun. Just tell your parents that you want to have family night. They could teach a lesson or make you some treats. They would like it.
Kid: I don't know if they would do it. They never did it before.
Preston: But the church tells to have family night, so they would do it.
Kid: Can I just play at your house?
Preston: No. We're having family night. We might have ice cream. Go home.

Then, when we were having up family prayer, the doorbell kept ringing, and Bill said, "And please help the neighbor kids to stop coming to our door every time we are praying..."

The kids couldn't stop laughing about that.

Well, now that our school fundraiser is over, I may actually blog once in a while again. I could not survive running a 5K, by the way. I barely survived a mile.

Motes and Beams and Puppies

I try not to judge other people. And most of the time, I am not judging them any more harshly than I am judging myself if I do judge them. But really, it is way easier to help them get that mote out of their eyes than it is to figure out how to get that giant beam out of my eye. Because beam removal requires a huge surgical procedure, and mote removal out of someone else's eye just requires a little saline. Ask my brother. He's an optometrist...

Sadie says several hundred words now. But she mostly says "puppy" several hundred times a day. Often, I hear something like, "Pease a puppy. Mommy, a puppy pease." It will be a sad day when she realizes what allergies are and that our family has lots of them.

Wild Browns

I found a club membership paper a couple of weeks ago.

As a member of the Wild Browns Club, I will be honest, true, and I will follow the rules.
Rules:
1. Don't hurt.
2. Be fair.
3. Be respectful to the person talking.
4. Follow the rules.
5. Go to the bathroom in private.
6. Come to meetings as much as possible.
7. Don't swear.

I will also say the pledge daily.
Pledge: As a member of the Wild Browns, I will be honest, awesome, wild, and fun.

Cologne and Candy

Bill was looking confused. "Did you do this map search for the Cologne cathedral, or did I? I don't remember doing it, but maybe I did." I answered that I did. He asked why I was looking it up, and I told him that I was going there in a few months when I go out to see my brother with my parents. "That makes more sense now. I couldn't figure out why it was already open to the exact search I was going to do." I asked why he was looking at it. "Oh, I am doing a paper, and I needed some information about the cathedral."

What? My rocket scientist husband is writing a paper with some information about a cathedral in Germany? One I am planning to visit soon? And we both wanted to search for this random place on the map app? Weird.

Do you ever do something so weird or offensive or awkward or just uncharacteristic of your normal self that you can't stop thinking about it or feel really silly or stupid for way longer than necessary?

Earlier tonight, I picked something up from the store for a friend, and I thought, "I'll just grab some candy for my friend. That will cheer her up. It always cheers me up." So, I brought her goods to her house, handed the bag to her daughter, and said, "This is for your mom, but wait just a second. I need to get a few of these because I am starving." I got some of the candy out, way more than I could even hold in my hand because I kept dropping pieces, and started chowing down. I know it was weird. (Here, I got you this. But let me get some for myself first...) But I really was starving....

And the sad thing is, it wasn't really that uncharacteristic of my normal self. If you want, you can tell me about your awkward moments. It might make me feel less stupid. Also, my friend seems to still like me.

I had a super busy day. It reminded me how much I like to be involved and how much energy I get from being around other people. (A total extrovert...) It also reminded me that I get super tired when I over schedule myself. Luckily, I rarely do that.

A friend died today. I haven't kept in touch with him the last twelve years, but he was an awesome person when I was in high school and at college. I feel a little sad thinking about his young family.

Another thing happened to make me feel like a bad parent. Carter came home from school, and he was stressed out. He got on my laptop and started doing some of his math. "Mom, is it okay if I work on this for a while? I really want to learn about binary numbers." And then he watched a few educational science videos. He finished and then let out a huge sigh of relief. "Aaaahhh. I feel sooo much better now."

The thing that makes me feel like a bad parent is that it is so clear that he gets bored, which makes him act out and get stressed. I am just not challenging him enough. His math teacher said she really wants him in with the seventh and eighth graders, but it just doesn't work with the school schedule. And then he comes home and does nothing to challenge himself in any possible way, most days anyway. Well, I had better get on that challenge!

Family Secrets Come to Light

Does anybody else have family secrets, stories that have recently come to light? Well, I heard a really interesting one tonight.

When I was in college, and the younger three siblings were still at home, my brother spent a couple of hours working with Becky, fixing her makeup to make her look like a different person. He worked with her to teach her how to stick her jaw out differently and speak in a different voice. And if you know anything about Becky as a kid, you probably remember her talking in different voices, one in particular. Matt then put a long curly white wig on her and arranged it just so. They had a strange green and white checkered jacket left at their house from a play that Heather and Matt had recently performed in. He dressed her (well, she probably dressed herself; she was fourteen, you know) and arranged her outfit and her jewelry and made her unrecognizable. Little Heather was his accomplice. Then, came the part that I am so sad that they did not video. Becky went outside, rang the doorbell, and when my mom answered, she said, "Excuse me, miss, but I am going door to door, trying to sell my homemade jam. Would you like to buy some?" "Well, what kind do you have?" "I have peach and strawberry." My mom asked several more questions. Becky came up with answers that were plausible, somehow. Then, "How much are you selling your jam for?" After several minutes, Becky couldn't do it anymore. She started taking her wig off. My mom looked completely shocked. Becky's jaw dropped. "Mom!" My mom looked at her, puzzled. "Becky? Is that you?"

And that's the kind of younger siblings I have...

I was lucky enough to get a happy birthday sung to me in that one particular voice very recently. It made me happy.

Preston came in my room one day last week. I was in the middle of looking up some information and was not really paying attention to him. "Mom, do you have a job?" I absentmindedly answered, "No." He giggled, "I don't think you're really telling the truth about that." I looked at him. "What kind of job do you think I have?" (I was hoping for secret agent...) "You're a mom!"

I guess that's better than secret agent, but I still want the cool black pants and awesome boots with six inch heels that they can somehow still fight in without breaking a sweat or limping afterward for weeks.

I am visiting my sister this week. Sadie keeps bugging Ruby, my two-year-old niece. Ruby is getting very protective of anything Sadie might want to hold, her blanket, books, toys, and mom. She won't let her get close to her bedroom or her booster seat or her food. And now, she keeps saying, with a cute fake pout, "Sadie hit/kicked/hurt me." Once or twice, it was even true.

Yesterday, Ruby told me, "Here is my belly button. I have a belly button on my back, too." "No, you just have a belly button on your tummy." "Oh. Why?" "You just have one on your tummy. That's where belly buttons go." Oh, but I have one on my back, too?" "No, just on your tummy." Looking like she finally understood, "Oh."

Last week, Bill snowboarded down the back steps. He did it twice so he would get more than three seconds of a ride this year. The kids kept asking, "Why are you doing something dangerous, Dad?" Maybe I will figure out how to post the video. Preston made the video and narrated.

I helped Ruby say a prayer. I was telling her part of a sentence at a time, she would repeat it, and then I would tell her the rest. It was going really well. Then, "Thank you..." "Take you for chicken." Well, that wasn't exactly what I was going to say....

Regular Robbers

"Carter, go to bed." He responded, "I can't. I'm still admiring my work." He was looking at a poster he had made for school. Then a minute later, "Do you like how I wrote in cursive? I'm not that used to writing in regular anymore."

Avery came in laughing, "Mom, Hannah didn't know that robbers have families!"

And I got a call from my insurance company. Apparently, my medication will be covered pretty well, so we won't really have to pay that much of a copayment. Hurray! I won't have to cancel my trip to go see my brother in a few months!

Basketball and Drugs

Carter played his last basketball game tonight. I had not been able to go to any of the games this season, so I was excited to finally see how he has progressed. He keeps talking about how much he loves basketball and how he wants to go to basketball camp this summer. (Probably at Utah State this year, if there is anyone else who wants to go with him...) So, I was really surprised when he started playing. He looked like he had no idea what he was doing. Bill said he usually played much better. About three quarters of the way into the game, he came over to talk to us. "I think I must still be kind of sick. I feel so tired and confused. I don't even know what I am doing, and I can barely run." Poor guy. And he was so excited for me to finally see him play. (He did get a couple of good rebounds at least.)

We went to do a little grocery shopping after Carter's basketball game. I stopped to pick up a prescription while we were there. While I was talking to the pharmacist, I asked if he knew how much the medicine I am going to start soon would cost. He looked it up, and then he said, "I don't even want to tell you the answer. It is soooo much." He did tell me. It is about forty-five hundred dollars... For a twenty-eight day supply....

Carter Home Sick Is Super Bored

I was looking through a bag of shoes my sister gave me for Sadie. I commented, "These shoes will fit Sadie perfectly, but these other shoes won't fit her for several months." Carter asked, "Well, what if her feet got cut off? How would they fit then?"

Genius IQ does not translate to common sense. At all.

"Mom, that scar on your chin makes you look like Frankenstein, or maybe a zombie."

Thanks, Carter.

"Carter, can you watch Sadie so I can take a shower?" He answered, "Sure. As long as you watch her later so I can take a shower."

Speaking of showers, last night when it was time for Preston to take a shower, he didn't want to do it. His excuse, "Daddy said I couldn't take a shower two days in a row."

Daddy did not say that.

"Mom, I'm sad that you won't get to live as long as a normal person. What if you don't even get to be a great-grandma?" Carter said. "Well, what if I don't even live to see my grand kids?" "That would be sad. I would tell them that you were nice."

I think he was trying to make up for saying I looked like a monster.

And Sadie keeps bringing me dolls and puppies to rock. Then she takes a turn, "Wock baby, tee tah."

It gives me hope that one of my girls will be able to sing on key. At least both boys can sing.

Pants on Facebook

Preston: Why do so many people keep putting pictures of pants on Facebook? There are just sooo many pants everywhere!

It was a contest, and people had to share the link to enter. I think at least ten of my friends had entered.

Preston: Mom, if we went to Spain, and we were all by ourselves at our hotel, and there wasn't anyone else around us, would it be okay to talk in English? Or would we still have to talk Spanish?

No. No podemos hablar en ingles en Espana.

Bill saved Sadie yesterday. She was choking on a nickel. It freaked me out. I am still a little freaked out.

One Hundred Days of Magic

To celebrate 100 days of school, Avery had a form to fill out.

I would like to eat 100: grapefruit
I would not like to eat 100: mints
I wish I had 100: toys
I am glad that I do not have 100: Santa candy bags
If I had 100 dollars, I would buy: (blank, but she said maybe 50 whimsy pets, not that interested in buying only one whimsy pet and putting the rest of it in a savings account)
In 100 years, I will be: dead

Carter has a notebook with the title, "A Handbook for Wizards, Pirates, Ninjas, and Super Heros and other stuff" in big bold letters. Here is an excerpt for anyone interested in such a handbook.

"Look at the picture to see magic. Magic is what made wizards possible. It makes spells possible also. It makes magic items possible, too. If you want to be a wizard, you have got to have magic. Magic is stored in the heart and the soul. The wand is simply just an exit for the magic."

And the Winner is....

Thanks for participating in our vacation search. We probably would have picked someplace stupid without your help. You know, like Gillette, WY.

My first pick was Belize, but we looked at flights, and there are no direct flights, plus it is super expensive last minute. We decided not to go anywhere cold. We can't go snowboarding with my muscle weakness going on, so we cut out all the snowy places. Our next option was somewhere in Mexico, but again, expensive for last minute flights. Another time, I guess. East coast places are just too far for such a short trip. I wouldn't mind Phoenix because it has been a long time since I have had really good Mexican food. How come none of my NM friends wanted us to come there, by the way? Las Vegas wouldn't be bad, but I think the beach sounds nicer.

So, San Diego. Well, just north of there. We might go over to Catalina Island for a day. If my legs feel up to hiking. And maybe we can find a good Mexican restaurant....

So, Heather, I'll call you about your prize. And I'll still come to Gillette in a month or so....

Vacation Contest

My first ever contest is here!

Our anniversary is coming up, in about two weeks. We want to go on a trip for a long weekend (3-4 days), somewhere fun, less than four hour travel time (from Utah) so we don't waste all our time in a car or airplane. We do have passports, so it can be out of the country if it isn't too far.

Here are the rules:

Leave a comment with your suggestion(s). You can suggest up to two locations per person. It is first come, first served, so if you want to win the awesome prize, don't suggest anything already suggested by someone else. We will be deciding on Monday, so the deadline is Monday at 5 pm.

The prize: A really good book of your choice, or mine if you don't know what you want. We can figure it out... If you win and hate reading, then you are weird, but we can figure out an equivalent priced prize.

Ready? Go!

Grounding and Origami

Things I have had to ground my boys from this week:

Juice
Cinnamon and sugar sprinkled on anything

It's a first, but it was bound to happen.

Carter came up this morning with ziploc bags full of origami Star Wars finger puppets. "What are you doing with those?" I asked. Carter responded, "I made this sign-up sheet with the number of slots corresponding to the number of each Yoda, R2D2, C3PO, Darth Vader (called Darth Paper in the origami book), and Han Solo. I also made a few blank ones so people can make their own. I am going to be in the library at lunch time so people can come sign up and get some." What do you tell a kid who has worked hard on this idea, an idea you are sure will humiliate him when nobody wants his mass produced Star Wars origami finger puppets? Do you say that he can't do it? Do you let him embarrass himself? I mean, this is the kid who has stayed in from recess to draw robots on more than one occasion. The kid who invites people over to play his made up cardboard carnival games. The kid who dances like Napoleon Dynamite.

What did I do? I said, "It looks like you made a lot of those. Have a great day at school."

Well, he returned home and started making more right away, before he even had a snack. I asked him how it went. He said, "Well, I only let people sign up for two characters, so I ran out, and everybody asked me for more, so I said I would bring some more tomorrow."

One of those times that I am glad I didn't crush his spirit and tell him it was a bad idea.

Preston came running up to me, crying, "Carter said he wasn't grounded from cinnamon and sugar! If HE gets cinnamon and sugar, then I get juice!"

Weird Thoughts

If you see Sadie, you better make sure you don't have any belly button lint. Because she will find it. She is obsessed with "beyee buppuns", and she keeps lifting everyone's shirts trying to see if they have one, too.

My friend came and got Sadie and me yesterday. It was a nice change to hang out on her couch instead of my own. Her son came home, looking freaked out and said, "I am sick. I threw up on the bus." He then got quarantined to his room. A few minutes later, my friend got a phone call about the incident. Apparently, someone had thrown fake snot all over him, and he was so grossed out that he puked! He was so glad to come out of the quarantine to play with my kids! His mom asked him why he didn't tell her about the fake snot, and he said he didn't know it would matter. He thought if he threw up, for any reason at all, he was sick.

While I was at my friend's house, her three-year-old girly-girl came up and kissed me right on the lips. Maybe she was pretending I was Seeping Beauty?

I am trying some makeup that foams. It says to use a walnut size amount, but that is way too much. I would understand that if I had a little head, but I have a decent sized melon, as well as having at least an extra inch of skin to cover on my massive forehead.

Things that would be explained with a diagnosis of MS:

Three month vertigo a few years ago
Lack of energy the last few years (If you knew me before that, you would agree that I used to be a high energy kind of person.)
General fatigue
Occasional burning sensation on my arms like I am just about to get shingles again
Current numbness all over my body

Things that cannot be explained with a diagnosis of MS:

The constant craving for chocolate and cinnamon rolls
Feeling a compulsion to plan vacations for myself and others
The desire to swim through a vault of money like Uncle Scrooge
The spasms that come on when ABBA music plays. Maybe it is dancing?
The compulsion to read Regency romances (not the dirty ones) and fantasy and princess fairy tales lately, sometimes poorly written Mormon romance lit as well
The constant desire to shop online for cute clothes, even though lately, all I wear are yoga pants
Uncontrollable laughter, especially while I am watching Modern Family

Monday Morning

One of those things I never expect to hear my husband say:

Why are there dominos in the baby's pajamas?

It was the ten-year-old, by the way.

One of those things I never want to hear my kid say:

Mom, do you wish you didn't have all those dots on your face?

Ten-year-old.... again.

One of those things I hope I hear today:

I have surprise chocolate and cinnamon rolls for you. And I will watch your kids for you. Oh, and let me take you to the massage appointment I made for you so you are all gone while the maid I hired for you comes in to clean up your house. And when it's all done, there is take-out from that really good Italian restaurant.....

Okay. Fine. If I just heard that I was not the meanest mom in the universe, that would be great.

Also, my kid got his shoe stuck in the six foot tall snow bank this morning and had to come in and change his socks and shoes.

Not the ten-year-old this time, but only because he had boots on...

Fancy Pants

The kids are making popsicles on the back porch. They put them outside, and five minutes later, Carter said, "I want to see if they are frozen yet." Bill said that they would not be done yet. "How do you know?" Carter asked. "Because I have taken whole courses on thermodynamics....."

Good point. Some things do take a rocket scientist, you know.

Bill got in bed and put his lumpy head on his pillow. Well, my pillow. A few seconds later, I asked if he wanted to pray with me before he fell asleep. Too late. I guess I am using a different pillow.

I am jealous of his talent for falling asleep. And his head isn't really lumpy. I am just mad at it for stealing my pillow.

I have nice friends. Too many to list who keep helping me out.

I kind of want to play basketball with the women at church, even though I can't really feel my hands and might not be able to run. It's probably a bad idea, but I might do it anyway. I pretty much always do stupid things, although usually, I don't know they are stupid until after I have done them.

I ordered some pants online. They came today. They are not what they looked like online. They are shimmery pale sea foam green skinny pants. I don't think I can pull them off. But Carter said I looked good in them. When I disagreed, he said, "Maybe I should take a picture of you wearing those pants and post it on Facebook so everyone can see how good you look in them." I did not let him do it. And now I am worried that he is going to post unflattering pictures of me for everyone to see.

Stupid smart kids who know how to use technology way better than I do.

Because Lots of People Keep Asking Me

Okay, here's the scoop. I started having numb hands one evening. I called the doctor on call, and he said, "You're just having a panic attack. Go to bed." The next morning, I noticed that it had spread to other parts of my body. I took a shower and noticed that I could not feel the water hitting my skin. So, I called the doctor. They got me right in, and he did some weird tests and had someone suck some blood out. The weird thing was that the guy had fangs.... All those tests came back completely normal.

So, I called to get an appointment with a neurologist. Luckily, someone had just cancelled, so they could get me in a couple of days later. Normally, their wait time for new appointments is about a month. He wanted me to get a couple of MRIs and some other testing. He thought it could be a brain tumor. It wasn't. After a day of people poking me and trying to electrocute me all over my legs and arms or putting me in minuscule noisy tubes, I am glad to be home with my chocolate stash. It looks like Multiple Sclerosis. He said he is pretty sure, but I am having a few more tests to confirm the diagnosis.

Good thing Bill is a rocket scientist. I have decided that he needs to build me a cool chair lift for our stairs. A rocket powered one. For those times that my legs don't work and I can't get to the only TV we have downstairs. Like right now. I really wanted to watch Duck Dynasty. Have you seen it?

Chocolate and Robots

I knew it would happen sooner or later. I just wasn't ready for it. Sadie has discovered a love of "dockit." Thirteen months old is a little young to be a chocolate lover, but she is my kid...

Bill taught Preston's class how to use some tools, and showed them how to make a little robot. At the end, when he let them ask questions, these are some of the questions he got.

"Where are the robot's arms? It can't be a robot without arms."
"When I get home, I am going to take my remote control car apart and make a robot out of it."
"Do you know my parents?"
"Where did you buy all this stuff?"

I think older kids might have gotten more out of the class than the first and second graders did...

Bill is funny. My ipad alerts me every night at seven that it is time to kiss Bill. My kids can't stop giggling about it.